I Wish You Knew [Haylor]

Chapter 60

Taylor POV

That night haunted me. One day, 24 hours of no sleep,  86.400 seconds of endless fighting.

September 14th, the night where it all happened. The night when he came home with a huge smile on his face, the night when I came home as well with a frown on my face.

I was the one to blame that night, because everything happened because of me.

/ Flashback /
September 14th

I heard a knock on the door, I assumed it's him but maybe it's someone different. I walked to the door and open it up, seeing a familiar face bringing a bouquet of roses in his hand, his lips forming into a big and happy smile.

I could tell that he's really happy to be back home.

"I'm home!" He shouted, kissing me on the cheek happily and I just smiled. Smiled because I'm forced to do that, not from my heart. It's different.

He looked at me, raising his eyebrows and pouring his lips. He stared at me for almost two entire minutes, just looking at me. And I didn't do anything, my stupid, uncaring, depressed side didn't do anything.

"Are you okay love?" I was about to say something when he interrupts me by handing the bouquet of roses to me. I grab it and sighed. "Okay that's stupid, I know you're not okay." He ran his fingers trough his hair, that habit of him when he's nervous or worried.

"I don't want you home." I said, looking at him directly in his eyes. I could see his eyes changed, I could feel the tears in my eyes.

I didn't mean any of it, I want him home. So badly. But now, I'm on the edge of falling, I'm on a out of fire where I can't help myself anymore.

I'm a monster.

"I haven't even go in yet Taylor and you said that?" He said disbelief, taking deep breaths. I could feel the guilt in him, but he doesn't have to feel that way. Because now, he's not the reason I'm acting like this. Jake is. "Let's just go inside and calm yourself down alright?" He still is caring, concerned about this whole thing. I thought he'll leave immediately, but he didn't.

"I don't want you in." I said again, but he didn't listen to me. He just walk me in. The house is a mess, this house is a shop wrecked. Stuff breaking everywhere, I could see that he's shocked about this.

"Harry listen to me." My voice become deep, strict and unbalanced. He heard that too and he immediately shot his eyes at me. "I'm not me Harry." I shouted, his jaw tensed up and his eyes shifted to the floor. He's upset.

"I know." He's still calm, still sound so composed on everything. While I'm shouting at him, tears began to fall rapidly.

"Why aren't you there when you need me?" I shout again, his eyes shut. Everything around me is going rapidly in a second.

"How am I suppose to be there when you don't want me there?" His voice raised, his eyes are dark filling up more tension in the room. "I need some explanations Taylor." He shouts this time, I get why he's mad because he has all the right to be mad. He's tired, exhausted from his flight but here I am blaming him.

"If you're here then maybe I'm not going to be like this." Every time I shout he sighed, every time I look at him, he softens his eyes.

He doesn't deserve this.

"Taylor, you told me that Jake is over, you told me that you are fine. Maybe if you tell me the truth I'll understand Taylor but you didn't." He calms himself down and now his voice is back to normal. That voice that I've known for so long. "How am I suppose to know joe Taylor? How?" He asked looking at me. He didn't touch me this entire time because he knew that if he did, I'll shout louder.

"I don't know." Tears starts to escape from my eyes, sigh escape my mouth. It was not me. Not Taylor.

"I'll go for the night, calm yourself down and I'll be home tomorrow." He knows I don't want him to go, he knew. But could I really blame him right now? No.

/ End of Flashback /

"Can I come in?" He knocked on the door, his voice sounding softer than ever. I feel bad again now, thinking about that night where we take that break. "Tay?"

"Ye-yeah." I get of my bed, pretending that I was not crying. Maybe he heard that, but if he didn't I still can pretend right? Or maybe no, because seeing his face bring it back again.

"You haven't eat since yesterday Tay." He came in with a tray on his hands and a big smile across his face. "Are you in pain?" He came closer to me in a rush, checking up on me and I shake my head.

"No, I'm okay." I coughed, making him more worried than before. I shouldn't have coughed.

"I'll take the medicine, go eat Tay." He puts the tray on top of my stomach and I smiled when he did that.

My heart failure made him more worried, not just him but me too. Maybe when someone got a sickness, the person who got that sickness is the only who felt the pain but that's wrong, the person that see us in pain is in pain too.

And he is in pain right now. Not just me.

"Take this one first and this one alright?" He came back saying that, his smile disappear and it was replaced by his frown.

I coughed again, again and again. He was there sitting beside me and holding my hands in his.

"Take it easy on the cough, love." He joked, smiling at me and making the room a little more happier.

"Thank you Harry." My voice was raspy and it came out unclear. It was supposed to be clear, I wanted it to be clear. I wanted him to know that I was truly happy right now.

"Your welcome." He smiled, maybe I don't have to say anything. He knew that now, were both happy. I'm happy.

___

I'm back!

Hello! I'm back. My exam is all done now and I'm just waiting for the result. Hoping for the best.

Thank you for reading this chapter, it's kind of messy. But I'll clean it up in the next chapter.

Oh and thanks for always sticking up! Sorry for the long wait, it's been too long.

And yikes! It's been a whole 3 months since I came here. Oops!

Also, my friend kaylavieta is creating a new account! I'll tell you the details later and please do check it out!

The last one, promise. I made a new Wattpad account for my teenfic/ non Haylor story. It's called @fragilesecrets if you wanna check it out. Currently working on red. Thank You ✌🏼

LOVE YOU ALL! ❤️