A new beginning

.45.

.Beca's point of view.

I walk on the streets in the early morning. I'm glad I'm home, but I hate my stutter. Last night Chloe slept in my bed, because of the thunder. I hate thunderstorms and I needed her to cuddle. Without a word I've walked out of our apartment, but I didn't want to wake up Chloe. Everybody wants me to sing, but I'm ashamed. I have this stutter. What if I stutter in singing to? What if people are going to laugh at me? I just want to be alone and there's only one place I can be alone. The one place few people know to find. I've been gone for a month, so the grave is probably a mess. I clean it up and take a picture to send to Jeremy. I miss my brothers. Chloe told me that they were in the hospital the moment I was lying in a coma, but I couldn't see them. I hope I get the chance to see them soon. Damian is in Europe, so I doubt that I get to see him soon. I walk further with the thought about my family. I really miss Nina. My little sister is just the cutest. When I'm on the cemetery, I look to the grave, which I find. Of course I can find my mother's grave, I've been the only one who's been here every day. Well, until the accident though. Chloe knows were the grave is, just like all my good friends and of course my family. But nobody knows that I'm writing songs here when I'm feeling down and now that I have this stupid stutter... I need to get this off of my chest. I have brought my iPod with me, so I can sing the favorite song of my mother.

,,Hi, m-mom." I speak to the grave stone. ,,I'm b-back." I sit down with my notebook and open it. ,,I'm okay. I have this stupid stutter, b-but m-my friends d-don't laugh at m-me like they used to d-do. I have a lot of g-good friends and m-maybe one I like m-more than a friend. I have told you about her b-before. Chloe is m-my b-best friend since the very b-beginning and I can't imagine m-my life w-without her." With Chloe in my mind I start writing lyrics. ,,I haven't sang yet and I'm not sure if I continue, b-because of m-my stutter. I absolutely hate it and it m-makes m-me w-weak. W-who's g-going to tell m-me that I d-don't stutter w-when I'm singing? W-why w-would Chloe w-wants to b-be w-with m-me, w-while I'm stuttering the w-whole time? I d-don't b-blame her if she d-doesn't w-want to b-be m-my friend anymore." Then suddenly my phone goes off. Becs, where are you? I woke up and you weren't there. I miss you, please call or text me, I'm worried. Xx C. I laugh about her text. Why is she worried? I'm at the grave, be back in about ten minutes. Xx B. ,,Okay, w-were w-was I?" I think back at the conversation. ,,Oh, yeah! M-my friends are really g-great to m-me, b-but I'm afraid that they w-would b-break w-with m-me. This stutter is frustrating. I just w-want to talk normal, w-without it, b-but I can't." A tear escape my eye. ,,Everything is just so hard w-without you. I have g-great friends, b-but I m-miss you. I d-don't speak to d-dad anymore and almost d-died. Sometimes I think, 'd-dying d-during m-my coma, not a b-bad idea', b-because that w-would've token away the pain I have inside. The b-bullying is still a part of m-my life. I d-don't trust all m-my friends, I w-want to, b-but I can't. M-maybe in a couple of w-weeks, b-but now I can't cope." I wipe the tears off of my face. ,,Now something nice. I've told you about Chloe b-before and I'm g-glad she's in m-my life. I can't imagine m-my life w-without her anymore and that kind of scares m-me. I think I'm in love w-with her. I've searched the internet about love and found some information. M-mom, I think constantly of her. I can't g-get her out of m-my head. I feel shy w-whenever I'm near her. Is that really love? She told m-me recently that she b-broke up w-with Tom, b-because she d-didn't felt the love b-between them anymore. I said that I'm really sorry for her, b-but I lied. M-my heart jumped w-when she said it. Do you think I stand a chance w-with her? D-do you think I can ask her out on a date?" I think about it. Would Chloe agree to go on a date? Would she say yes if I ask her? What the hell am I suppose to say and where should I take her? I don't want to ruin my chances. I love her with all my heart, but why would she loves me? I'm a nobody. ,,I'm just B-Beca, nothing special about m-me. I'm a loser w-with a pathetic stutter."

,,Don't say that, Becs." I jump up.

.Chloe's point of view.

Finally I am at the cemetery. I see Beca sitting with her notebook and talking to her mom's grave. I adore her so much and I wish I could confess my feelings, but I am afraid of her reaction. I know she cares about me, but I hurt her big time. I lied to her about my relationship with Tom and now that Tom and I are just friends... maybe I should tell her. I walk closer to Beca and hear her talk.

,,I'm just B-Beca, nothing special about m-me. I'm a loser w-with a pathetic stutter." My heart shattered in pieces. How can she think so low about herself? She's amazing!

,,Don't say that, Becs." Beca jumps up. She didn't hear me coming, but I didn't want to scare her, so I walked in silence.

,,Chloe! W-what are you d-doing here?"

,,I came to find you. Why do you say that you are a loser?"

,,B-because of this stupid stutter. I can't see w-why anybody can like m-me w-with it."

,,I like you," I say and take her hand. ,,I like you a lot. There are worst things in the world, I'm really glad that you are still here and not dead."

,,B-but this stutter is..."

,,Cute. Becs, you're cute no matter what happens to you. You have a bunch of friends. Amy, Jesse, Stacie, Aubrey, Emily, Jessica, Ashley... do you want me to keep going?"

,,I'm g-grateful for all of you, b-but -"

,,What? What's wrong?"

,,W-well... I kinda like some girl, b-but she probably thinks I'm an idiot w-with this stutter."

,,I can't imagine that anybody will hate you."

,,B-but they d-do."

,,Who? Because all I see is people that care about you. Becs, we love you, all of us."

,,As if there is a lunatic w-who loves m-me."

,,Well there you are mistaken in, because I think you're awesome." Her eyes find those from mine. For a minute she zoned out and I wander what she's thinking. ,,What were you writing?"

,,It's nothing." She closes her notebook. ,,Shall w-we go home?" I just nod. I don't want to make her uncomfortable, so I don't ask further questions.