Gone

Chapter 12: A lonliness

Charlie's pov

So yesterday was the second worst day of my life. I probably cried until there was nothing left. Today was the day I had to say goodbye to everybody, that was harder then anything else.

I was at the airport with Niall and he was waiting with me until my flight came. "Well this tour is going to suck with out you," he said sadly.

It was hard to smile but I tried my hardest and looked over to him. "Nobody parties as hard as you boys do."

"Thank you. I'd love to take all credit for that." They announced my flight and I got up and ready to go.

"Bye Niall," I said and gave him a hug.

"I'll see you later Charlie, you haven't lost me yet," he hugged me back and kissed the top of my head. I let go and walked over to my gate.

The plane ride home was terrible and I guessed it could've been worse. I lost everything that I've cared for in the span of twenty-four hours. How is that possible? How is it possible that some one could feel so lonely it feels like she's not even on earth anymore? It feels like I've left the planet and that I'm landed on the dark side of the moon with no one anymore.

My mother's long gone, my father left with her, my brother moved to Canada, my best friend's dead, and the love of my life left me. I can't determine if any of this is worth it anymore. I've lost myself on the other side of the moon and I'm afraid I'm not coming back.

I got home to my apartment and decided to go to sleep.

Loneliness is a subtle darkness that comes before we even get a chance to recognize it. It hits us in our most vulnerable state and forces us into a sort of pain that is unimaginable. We have no defense against its powers and so it comes over us with a sure triumph. It kills, endangers, and destroys. We have no idea why such evil was created and so we cannot defeat it. We are only left to endure it as it gets its fill, taking our humanity and sanity, leaving us empty and broken. Then we must pick ourselves up and try and put together the pieces. Yet loneliness still holds a part of us, so we can only fill that space with more loneliness.

All my life I've been lonely but never like this. This has to be the worst two months of my life. I've spent everyday writing from my new inspiration. My new book the title The Darkest Side, it's about a woman who gets trapped on the dark side of the moon.

How ironic right. It's loosely based off of myself. I've been thrusted back into the darkness I felt when my mom died. It was empty and cold. I was hollowed and lifeless left to the words I put on the paper.

I was in my chair on my laptop when my door bell rang. I got up and walked over to the door. I opened it to see Niall. "Well your not UPS." I said quietly.

"Well hi to you too Charlie," he said with a smile naturally on his face. I forced a smile.

"Hey Niall," I wrapped him in a big hug. "Um what are you doing here?"

"The tour is over and we've got a week before we head out to Australia." He walked inside and sat on my couch. I walked back over to my chair.

"So you decided to come to my house?" I asked confused.

"I came to see how you were doing. I just wanted to know my best friend was ok," he said. I smiled genuinely.

"Thanks Niall. I've been ok. I've gotten inspiration for a new book."

"That's good." I got up and started to walk over to him. About half way through a stride a sudden nausea came over me. My stomach felt like it was about to flip inside out. I ran over to my kitchen sink and vomited.

Everything I ate rushed out of me in a sudden. Once I felt like everything was done I leaned against my counter. Niall was already by my side. "Charlie are you ok?" He asked concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine," I lied.

"The truth," he said firmly.

I bit my lower lip hard trying to hold back the tears. I looked at my feet and focused on the chipped nail polish. "I'm pregnant Niall," I said scared. Tears started and wouldn't stop.

"What?" He asked a lot more shocked.

"Yea um funny thing that happens when you have unprotected sex, you get pregnant and alone," I said. Niall moved around and in front of me. He held me in his arms and I cried into his shoulder.

"Who's the father?" He asked next.

"Nonexistent," I said sarcastically.

"Charlie," he said firmly almost startling me. He let go of me and looked me hard in the eyes.

"It doesn't matter Niall. This baby's father is long gone and there's nothing I can do to change that." I walked and sat down on one if my bar stools.

He stood in front of my bar thinking. "It doesn't even matter. I'm going to abort the pregnancy." I tried to sound ok with that. Niall looked up at me. This time he looked like he was about to cry.

"What Charlie no you can't do that," he said softly.

"Why not? I'm not ready to have a baby Niall. Look at me, I'm a wreck. I'm twenty one I drink alcohol like it's water, I can't function or work right unless I'm high, I mean it's killing me now to not smoke because of this morning sickness. I'm not a mom Niall. Not even close."

"Charlie are you sure the father wants nothing to do with this? It's his choice too."

"Honestly Niall I don't think the father even cares. I haven't talked to him for months. He could be half way across the world for all I know and I honestly I don't care. I'm not having this baby."

He didn't say anything. He was thinking again. "It's Harry," he said under his breath. "The father of your child is Harry and you don't plan on fucking telling him!" That time I really did jump. "You have to tell him Charlie."

"No that I don't have to do anything."

"Yes you do! You have absolutely no right to keep him from this. That's one of the most selfish things you could ever do."

"I can't Niall! I can't do to this baby what Harry did to me! He killed me inside."

"So you're going to kill your baby before it even gets the chance to live! What Harry did to you was full of shit I know that and trust me I'm on your side in this, but you cannot make any decisions about that baby without talking to him first!"

"It's to late I made the appointment already. It's all over on Thursday."

"Well then you better pray to God Harry knows by then because if he finds out about this after it's too late he'll hate you for the rest of his life."

"So much for being on my side."

Niall started for the door. He was half way there then stopped. "You want to know the real reason why I'm here?" I didn't respond. I didn't even look at him. "Because Harry sent me. All he's wanted for the last two months was to be able to talk to you but you wouldn't let him do that. You held this from him. You better tell him by Thursday. If you don't then I will." He left my home with a slamming of the door.

Tears streamed down my face. I stayed frozen in my chair, unable to move. I placed my hand on my stomach and looked down at it. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. I'm not sure if it was to myself or my baby yet.