Gone

Chapter 22: I'm Not Okay

I sat there in the white hallway waiting for the doctor to call me back in so we could talk about my condition. Harry was on my right sitting in a chair he held my hand tight but right now I was more alone than ever. Across the hall was a reception desk the women behind it taking calls and printing papers. She was in the usual scrubs that a nurse would have to wear. People walked up and down the halls occasionally. Doctors walking through talking to nurses, people that somehow got lost in this wing of the hospital.

I looked down at the robe and wheelchair I was in. My head pounded and my feet were swollen. My legs have also gotten fatter. I felt weaker than ever. My face felt like it was about to fall off, my hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail. "Charlie, I love you," Harry whispered in my ear and kissed my forehead. I didn't look at him. I looked straight ahead not moving anything. Then I looked down at the ring on my finger. How were they able to leave the ring on my finger?

I stared at it for a second then looked at Harry. He looked tired also. He had slept beside me in the hospital for the last five days. He hasn't gone home. Anne brought him some clothes that he could change into but I'm not sure the last time he showered.

Harry sat back in his chair and let out a breath. "I love you too Harry," I whispered and squeezed his hand tighter. Just then the doctor walked into the hall.

"Come inside so we can talk please," the doctor said quietly. Harry rolled me into the office and then sat down. "Ms. Walker, you have preeclampsia. That is when your blood pressure rises abnormally and extremely."

"How could this be? I just went to a checkup last week and I was doing just fine," I spoke feebly. I recognized the word. My other had it when giving birth to my brother.

"Yes and that is why your case is so difficult. It was a sudden change with virtually no symptoms. There was absolutely no way to see this coming at all. Now our initial approach would be for you to go into labor immediately. Your condition is so extreme and with twins labor right now would be irrational and a very bad decision."

"Wait what do you mean a bad decision?" Harry spoke finally.

"Mr. Styles I your fiancé's giving birth to two children right now will affect much worse. Her body is too weak. Labor will take a very great toll on her body, one we are not sure she will be able to survive."

"So what are you saying doctor, because I'm really not understanding."

"I'm saying if you go through with any part of this pregnancy you have a very high risk of death."

*

I sat looking out the window. My chair held me tightly as I stared out into the gloomy day. Rain was going to come soon. Before the rain could come tears began to stream down my face. The door opened I quickly wiped them away. "Harry home so soon?" I asked.

"Yea they just needed me to lay down the bridge and a couple of overlays for like three tracks," he looked at me and his face dropped. He through his keys on the table and walked over to me. "Charlie what's wrong?" he asked concerned.

"Nothing, everything is fine Harry," I said wiping away my tears. My voice wasn't convincing. I stood up and Harry held onto me. I buried my head in his chest and began to cry. "How am I supposed to do this Harry? How am I supposed to give up my babies?"

He grabbed my head and pulled me in closer. "Listen Charlie we talked about this okay-"

"No Harry, you've talked and I've listened but now it's my turn. I can't do this. I... I can't kill my babies. I won't Harry. I can't and I won't."

"Damn it Charlie!" he snapped. He let go of me and walked over to the window. He took a deep breath then looked at me. "The doctor clearly said if we don't go through with this you'll die!"

"No, he said there's a chance! I'm willing to take that chance if it means I'll get to live the rest of my life with my two little girls, and my husband."

"You might be willing to take that chance but I'm not! I'm not going to fucking lose you."

"You won't you'll have me in them."

"No, I won't have you! How am I supposed to even look at them without hating them for what they're going to do to you?" I walked over to Harry and grabbed his hand. I placed it on my stomach.

"Harry these are your daughters. You love them and you want to care for them. You need them just as much as they'll need you. You understand that this is what I have to do Harry. It's either your saving me or your saving your daughters." He snatched his hand away from me.

"I'm not going to even answer that question. You can't do this to me. It's selfish and evil. I'm not going to let you die, not while I have a choice." His voice brought tears to my eyes. He started for the door.

"Harry wait!" He stopped and looked at me. "There's the other option isn't there. It lowers my risk of death and it also gives us what we want."

"Charlie that operation is almost unheard of."

"If I'm not strong enough to have both babies I'll be strong enough to have one."