Special Needs

Chapter 12: The Scales

I showed Harry how to use the rescue inhaler and I told him I would always be carrying it in case he needed it. This frightened him, of course, never having been told he might need it.

"What's it for?" He asked timidly.

"Theodore told me you have something called asthma. It means that sometimes your throat and your lungs can get swollen and you can't quite get enough air. Have you ever felt like that, like it's hard to breathe or you're just coughing a lot for no reason?"

He shrugged, still wearing an expression of anxiety on his face. "Sometimes, maybe."

"Some of the pills you take help that not to happen. But this is another thing you can use in case it does happen. It will help that swelling to go down and help you breathe better right away."

"Okay," he said, his voice laced with uncertainty.

"Please promise me you will let me know if you feel like that, okay? If you feel like your chest gets tight or it's hard to breathe or if you are coughing a lot. Promise me, okay?" He nodded, still looking fearful. I took his hand and firmly told him, "Harry, whenever you're with me, I will do everything I can to keep you safe. Do you trust me?"

A small grin crept onto his face. "That's what Aladdin said to Jasmine."

"You're right," I giggled. "So do you trust me?"

"I do, Nanny Jules," he answered. I hugged him tightly and then I pulled up the Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales and told him I was going to do some work on the computer while he did whatever he wanted to do, but that I would stay near him all day. I also mentioned that I might ask him to do some things for me.

"Do you do work like Theodore does?" He asked at one point.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "It's not that kind of work at all. Something completely different." That satisfied him and he went back to painting with the water colors I had bought for him.

I opened the file for the Vineland Scales. The questions were divided into sub-domains such as coping skills, fine motor skills, large motor skills, writing skills, interpersonal skills, self care skills, safety skills, responsiveness skills, etc. It was a rather comprehensive set of evaluations and I hoped it would at least give me a picture of where there were any severe deficits, if any, in case I had overlooked them.

I started with coping skills. The assessment was to be marked with a number from zero to two: 0 means he can't perform the skill independently, 1 means he sometimes performs independently, and 2 means he almost always performs independently.

For his coping skills, I had to rely on what I'd seen for the month I'd been there since these weren't specific abilities he could demonstrate on demand. For almost all of the skills - things like seeking comfort when he's hurt or upset, transitioning easily from one activity to the next, recovering quickly from minor disappointment, and  accepting helpful suggestions from others - he scored a 2. Some of the other skills were difficult, if not impossible to quantify - things like acting appropriately when introduced to new people, understanding that people sometimes hurt others unintentionally, and realizing that sometimes friendly people can intend to do him harm - because of his minimal to non-existent contact with the outside world. All I could hope for was a chance to bring him into a public setting and teach him how to navigate the social situations it might present.

After that, I moved on to fine motor and large motor skills. He passed most with flying colors. I had to show him how to use a pair of scissors (I mean, seriously!? In seventeen years, no one let him cut his own paper?) I also knew that his fine motor skills were more than sufficient because of his extensive collection of Lego creations. When it came to large motor skills, I thought about his gangly legs and slightly inward-turned toes but he still managed to walk, run and swim just fine. When I suggested that we go outside and play with a ball, he looked at me and his expression was completely weighed down compared to the bright and alert young man I'd seen this morning.

"I'm s..so..so sleepy, Nanny Jules," he said. "Can I take a nap first?"

I closed my computer and stood up to hug him just because I felt like he needed it. "Okay, Harry. You sleep and then we can do some more when you get up."

"Can you rub my back again?" He asked feebly. "I feel kind of...kind of scared."

"Scared of what?" I asked gently, wanting to encourage him.

"I don't...I don't know. I just don't feel right," he frowned.

"Okay, I will come and rub your back for as long as you need me. Remember what I said before? I will always do whatever I can to protect you, to keep you safe?"

"Okay," he said with a yawn. I rubbed his back and he fell asleep in a matter of minutes. However, I didn't get up and leave him right away. I felt some strange draw to stay near him, to make good on my promise to protect him, even though I didn't think he was in any imminent danger. I wondered if the idea of asthma or having to use an inhaler was frightening him.

I hated the idea of scaring him. And to some extent, I hated the idea of introducing him to the outside world and helping him to grow up because I knew at some point, he would likely realize what an awful person Theodore was and that his childhood had been pretty messed up. And I didn't want the world to spoil his very genuine and sweet heart.

Instinct told me to move closer and wrap my arms around Harry, holding him while he slept. I just thought he needed that reassurance, the comfort that someone was consistently caring for him. I worried again about what would happen when my contract was up at the end of the year. I hadn't considered the possibility of continuing on after that, but maybe I would and maybe I should. Harry so desperately needed love, affection and consistency and it wasn't like I absolutely had to get back to a more promising career. I was already making more than most college graduates at this point in their lives.

And was it too paranoid of me to say that I feared for his safety? Whether through neglect or a deliberate effort to harm him, I knew in my gut that something wasn't right, but it was hard to know exactly what.

Harry would be eighteen...some time. I realized I didn't know his birth date. But he would be a legal adult. I wondered if he matured enough in that time and proved himself capable of taking care of himself, if Theodore would just let him go. Of course, he wouldn't necessarily be ready to just rent an apartment and provide for himself completely; that would obviously take some time since he hardly knew anything about the outside world.

My mind spun with anxiety, sadness and worry as I held Harry and fell asleep beside him.

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Short chapter, but you guys are all so amazing <3 Thank you! xoxo