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"Kaya sa natitirang segundong kayakap ka
Maaari bang magkunwaring akin ka pa"
He can't clearly remember how he made it back to Batangas. Everything is blurry from the time he walked out on Maine.
It felt like somebody else is controlling his body to move, his mind is blank. He turned off his phone because his mother has been calling relentlessly.
After packing all his stuff, he quickly checked out. He went straight to the first house they've built, it has plumbing & electricity. Once his head hit the pillow, the reality of what has happened in its entirety finally washed over him. And he doubled over in pain.
/////
"Haaaaaaaaaaahhh!"
He wakes up disoriented & sweaty from the same nightmare, that he's drowning and dying! And once he opens his eyes & have his bearings, baam! The realization and the pain still takes his breath away.
He's lucky to have at least 3 hours of sleep. Even in his sleep, his hands reach out to her, searching. Even when unconcious, his body longs for her.
He's been working from home since he got back to Batangas. He moved out of the resort to one of the finished breachfront houses they are building. He's been living on water, soda crackers & beer.
Je has been coming around to bring him real food from time to time and try to make conversation. But he knows he's just spying on him for his parents. He immersed himself in work, taking in more than he needed to. That, or he'll completely go out of his mind.
He's very well aware of the stages of grief. He feels he skipped a few steps & went directly to depression. He can't eat, he can't sleep! He refuses to even think of her. He just wants to numb himself until the pain passes. Hanggang kailan ba 'tong sakit? Parang di naman nawawala!
His mother is calling him again. He's been telling her that he's not ready to talk yet. She just kept calling & telling him stuff to draw him out. He specifically asked her not to come to see him. Or else he'll leave & they won't be able to find him.
"Mom."
"How are you, babe?"
"Same old."
"Can I come visit you, please?"
"No, I told you, I'm not ready to see anybody yet. I just want to be alone." He tried to be as gentle as possible.
"RICHARD FAULKERSON JR.! YOU LISTEN TO ME, I'M NOT GOING TO JUST SIT HERE AND LET YOU DIE OF A BROKENHEART ALL ALONE AND SO FAR AWAY FROM ME!!!" His mom's voice broke & finally sobbed on the phone.
"Mom, jeez! Stop crying, I won't die!"
"You are starving yourself to death!"
"I am not!"
"Anak, mag-usap na kayo, please? You can fix this. Just don't shut her out. Don't shut everybody out!" She pleaded.
"I just need time to be myself again, mom. You worry too much."
"I can't begin to think how to help you if you refuse to talk to me!"
