a second chance - Hotchniss

Problems [Emily]

"Here", Aaron handed me a cup of tea and sat down in front of me on the kitchen table. I wrapped my cold hands around the cup, thinking about how much I missed having him around in this house.

"Thanks", I whispered, still shocked that our daughter was having a relapse.

We remained silent for some time, until he asked me: "Do you think she has to go back to clinic?"

"If it's as bad as last time, yes, I think so.", I answered quietly.

"Maybe we should talk to her first", he sighed, but we both had already made our experiences with this situation. And already knowing how hard it is going be made it even harder than the first time. Talking to Alaska was very difficult, either she would act like we were completely insane and say "I am fine" at least two times in each sentences or she would freak out and scream.

"We have to", I nodded. "We can't just put her back into the clinic without letting her talk to us first." Tears ran down my cheeks as I remembered how much she had screamed all the times we had brought her there. She had screamed and cried every time, until the last one. That was when she had broken down in school because her body had been too weak to function. That had been the one time where she had said nothing, but I guess it was just because she had been too weak back then to protest. That one time she had agreed on staying there until she had gotten better, so she had stayed there for three months, then the doctors gave their 'okay' for her to leave. I really thought she had gotten better, but now I was questioning everything. Had she really been better or did she fool everyone?

"I know what you are thinking about, Em", Aaron suddenly said. "But we couldn't have seen this coming. I feel more than guilty as well-"

"I live in the same place as she does", I interrupted him. "It was my role to keep an eye on her!"

"But you can't watch her 24/7!", he sighed. "It's been hard for all of us the past few months..."

I didn't say anything, wondering if he was referring to her disorder or our divorce. But he was right. The divorce had me distracted and I had not payed enough attention to Alaska.

I raised my head and noticed that he had been staring at me. "I've been so much into this divorce-thing that I didn't look after her that much. I didn't even recognize that we mostly talked about the divorce until now. She never told me anything about her feelings and any personal stuff. A good mother and her daughter should have a relationship like this. A good mother should know her child well enough to recognize that she has a - a eating disorder." My voice cracked and I lowered my head again.

Suddenly Aaron reached out for my hands. "Please stop blaming yourself."

I stared at our hands in disbelief. He hadn't hold my hands for a very long time, we hadn't had much body contact in general, apart from the hug in Alaska's room earlier. I just wished he would never let me go again.

"I know you will not stop thinking about what you could've done, but trust me, Alaska is good at... this. She knows how to hide it. She knows how to fool us. We should concentrate more on what we have to do now, and how we should do it.", he said.

He was right.

"I should talk to her, right?", I asked.

He nodded; "I could try it too, but I believe that if she would open up, it's more likely that she's gonna open up to you."

I knew that he did not want to put this difficult on me, he was just right. We were both profilers and knew who had to talk in which situation. Well, at least in most cases.

At 10:30 pm Aaron decided to leave, since Alaska would be home around 11. She would freak out if she saw him here and get her hopes for our marriage up too high again. I did not say this out loud but I knew that he thought the same way.

"Call me if anything happens", he said in the door case.

"Will do", I whispered. Before I could say anything else, he pulled me into a tight hug. I was confused at first, but then I let myself fall completely, inhaling his unique scent which I loved so much. I could have stayed in his arms forever, but he soon let me go. Slowly our bodies parted again, but we both stopped when we stood face-to-face, so close that only a small space separated our lips. I slowly raised my head to look into his eyes, unsure about what I should do. And then he suddenly leaned down and kissed me. We hadn't kissed each other for a really long time and I even more realized how much I missed him. I pulled him closer and as the kiss became more and more passionate, my brain slowly started to work again.

What was going on here?

I broke the kiss and stepped back, not able to say a word. I just stared at him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-", he shuttered.

"It's okay", I whispered. "At least we both came back to sins in time."

He nodded and sighed: "I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"Yes", I responded.

"Well then, good night, Emily."

"Good night, Aaron."

I watched him walking down the small stairs to our house and get into is car. Did this just really happen? But I soon forgot to think about the kiss as soon as Alaska came home.

She entered the house around 11:30 pm and I was already waiting for her.

"You're late", I said leaning into the door frame as she tried to get upstairs quietly. She froze and turned around.

"Sorry, I forgot to look at my watch", she mumbled.

"Did you have dinner with Jonas?", I asked her, even though I knew that she hadn't eaten with him.

"Yes", she lied.

"Really?", I raised my eyebrows.

"Yea?", she looked at me in a confused way.

"You know you can always talk to me, right?", I then asked.

"Oh, I know where this is going", she muttered annoyed. "I am not having a relapse, if that's what you are trying to find out."

"I-", I started but she cut me off: "Why do you keep dealing with my problems when you should try to find solution to yours?" And with these words, she walked up to her room.