a second chance - Hotchniss

Vacation [Emily]

"I cannot believe I'm actually doing this", I sighed as I sat next to Aaron in the car.

Only two days after Alaska had come up with this crazy idea to sent her parents on 'vacation', we actually sat in Aaron's car on our way. He had rented a beach house, three hours from our place away. I still did not like this idea since I knew that it was going to be a hard time. I was still very hurt, yet I blamed myself for what we had become.

"Let's try it for Alaska", Aaron said, not looking at me since he had to be concentrated on the traffic.

The car ride was horrible. It was so tensed, neither of us knew what to say or what to do. I wasn't able to come up with a topic that I could ask him about, and he remained silent as well.

"I don't know if it was a good idea to leave Alaska alone", I then stated.

"I'm a bit worried that she might relapse completely now, I mean her nightmare of 'Ana' was about three nights ago, but who knows, maybe now, when she is alone, it's easier for this disorder to return?", he sighed.

"I just hope she stays strong", I whispered.

"She will. She is very strong", he answered. "Just like you."

I turned my head to him, but his eyes were still focused on the road. What was it, that always made me so weak when it came to him? He was right, usually I was strong, especially in my job, but in our current situation? I felt like a teenager who turned every little conflict into a huge problem, torn between simple answers, changing my mind quicker than my clothes in the evening.

"She is even stronger than that", I muttered. "I have never been through what she has been through, and she's only 16."

"You had an abortion at the age of 15", he replied.

This hit me like a truck. I had never liked talking about my abortion, Aaron and I only had talked about like two or three times since we had met. My eyes filled with tears and I didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry", he then said quietly. "That was inappropriate."

"It's okay", I whispered. "I mean, you're right. But I never had a demon inside of my head telling me to starve myself to death."

He didn't respond, so I looked out of the window. We remained silent for the rest of the car ride.

-

The house Aaron had chosen was a pretty house, built close to the dunes and the beach. There was no other house, it was standing completely alone. The house itself and its furniture were mostly white and wooden. I really liked it.

"Is this the only bedroom?", I raised my eyebrows as I stood on the first floor, looking for a second bedroom but only finding one.

"Yea, I think so", Aaron mumbled and put his bag on the one side of the bed.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?", I hissed and dropped my bag on the other side.

"I can sleep on the couch if you want to", he directly said.

"No, it's okay. I mean, it's not like I haven't slept in the same bed as you before", I sighed.

A little smile formed on his lips and I looked down, so he wouldn't see mine as well. "I'm gonna go to the beach now, wanna join?"

He nodded and opened his bag in order to get changed. I did the same and headed to the bathroom. We met in the kitchen again, some minutes later.

"Ready to go?", he asked.

"Yea", I whispered and we left the house. The way to beach was filled with silence. I had to admit that I already liked this 'vacation', but I also was also a bit scared of the part where we had to talk about 'us'. I knew that sooner or later we had to, since this was the actual reason why we had gotten there. Still, I was scared that everything would get even worse.

The beach was beautiful. Even though the sun was already going down and the water was a bit cold, I liked this peaceful area. I sat down in the sand and stared at the sunset. Some minutes later, Aaron sat down next to me. He didn't say anything, he just looked at the sun, and I was asking myself whether I should say something or not.

"I'm sorry, too", I then whispered. The words had just slipped out of my mouth, I actually didn't want to say anything, but I had to. Maybe I should have already said them way earlier. We wouldn't be able to get better if he was always the one to apologize. "I shouldn't need so much time to be able to get into our relationship again. I'm sorry for behaving this way, especially at work. I was overreacting."

He looked down to me: "I can totally understand you, it's okay. I was selfish, I didn't grant you the time you needed."

"It's okay", I said as well. "We're both just a mess."

"We totally are, aren't we?", he smiled weakly.

"Hell, yea", I chuckled and he grinned as well. I then rested my head on his shoulder and we kept staring at the sunset.

I would have never believed that only some hours alone and some minutes of talking would make me feel so much better. It felt like we were on neutral basis again, even though we had only spent some hours together, mostly not even talking. It felt good, like some kind of invisible weight was taken off my shoulders.

As it started to get dark, we headed back to our house and prepared dinner. Instead of eating at the table, we decided to move to the couch and ate while watching some TV. Later that evening, I called Alaska to hear if everything was okay, and she told me that everything was fine and that I should stop worrying about her. I smiled to myself as I hung up since she remained me of myself when I was at her age. Parents were soo annoying.

When I entered the bedroom in my pajamas, Aaron was already laying on his side on the bed. I carefully climbed into the bed, not sure whether he was awake or not.

"Good night", I whispered and switched off the light. Even though I laid on the side, my back facing to him, it was way easier for me to fall asleep. Only the fact that he was there made me feel much better. And who knew, maybe we would really be able to completely fix our relationship that week?

But if I had only known what was yet to come...