a second chance - Hotchniss

The Wait [Emily]

"When you starve yourself, you feed your demons" - Unkown

As Aaron had left the room, Jonas raised his head and looked at me.

"I am so sorry, Mrs. Hotchner", he whispered. "I should have noticed. I am her boyfriend, we spent like every minute together. I should have checked on her."

"It's not your fault", I replied. "I keep making myself responsible as well, but the real reason in charge is this illness in her head."

"You don't understand", he sighed. "Some weeks ago, we had a fight because I had called her father since I thought that she was relapsing. She was really mad at me, but after we made up again, she told me about her eating disorder. She told me how easy it was to lie and skip dinner, instead of continuing to recover. I should have directly told you, but she begged me to give her another chance and that she could it alone, this time. If I would have told you, she wouldn't even lay here..."

I took a deep breath and said: "I feel the same way. Alaska even fainted and was brought to the clinic again, I found the book with all her calories written down, but after the test resulted that she was fine, I believed it as well. It was so obvious that she was relapsing and yet I didn't notice. I make myself responsible, so does Aaron. But I learned that making ourselves responsible won't help her. She needs us all together now, we have to fight together, even though it's hard. Okay?"

He just nodded slowly and looked down to Alaska again, resting his hand carefully on hers.

"And you can call me Emily", I then whispered. "You belong to our family by now."

He smiled, but I could still see all the pain and worries in his eyes.

Suddenly the door opened and my husband returned, handing me one of the coffee cups in his hands. "Thank you", I said and he sat down next to me again.

"How are JJ and Reid?", I then asked at the thought of our friends, who were still at the hospital.

"JJ is still shocked and Reid is trying to calm her down", he sighed. "Maybe we should send them home, they have been here for a long time."

"True, but I guess JJ would not want to leave and Reid wouldn't leave without her.", I replied and rested my head against his shoulder.

I was so glad that Aaron and I had made up by now. He gave me so much support by just being there and offering me his arm or his shoulder and I knew that I wouldn't make it through this situation without him. A tear slipped out of the corner of my eye and ran down my cheek. I guess I have never cried this much in one day, yet it wouldn't be the last time today. The fear of my daughter not waking up was too much for me to handle. I took a sip of the hot coffee and felt how body slowly woke up. Warmth shot through me and as Aaron laid his arm around my waist I finally stopped to shiver.

We sat there for hours, surrounded by silence. Everyone kept staring at Alaska, waiting for her to open her eyes, but nothing happened. Aaron kept drawing circles with his fingers on my back and somehow, it calmed me down.

As the sun started to go down, Dr. Adams entered the room: "We're going to check on her again now, and I would advice you all to go home. Try to get some sleep and to energize. You all need it, even if you don't want to admit it."

The last thing I wanted to do was to leave my daughter alone, but I knew that he would kick us out if we wouldn't leave.

"I expect that you will call us if anything happens?", Aaron asked.

"Of course", the young doctor nodded.

I sighed as I got up. "See you tomorrow", I whispered to Alaska. "Stay strong. You can make it. I love you, never forget that, okay?" My eyes started to fill with tears again so I looked away. Aaron and Jonas said their good-byes as well and we left the room together.

"Shall I drive you home?", Aaron asked Jonas as we walked down the hallway.

"Thank you, but I can walk.", the boy answered. "I need some fresh air now."

At the reception of the hospital we found JJ and Reid. My best friend looked a bit better than the last time I had seen her, yet she was still worried.

"Did anything happen?", she immediately asked.

"No, we were sent home. And you should go, too", Aaron said. "You've been here for such a long time, you should really take a break. Take the day off tomorrow as well, you two."

JJ didn't reply, instead she just nodded and took a deep breath. Reid laid his hand on her back, rubbing it supportingly. "Come on, I'll drive you home", he whispered and carefully pulled her with him. We waved them goodbye and slowly walked outside to our car. Jonas left as soon as we had exited the hospital, so Aaron and I directly went to our car. The cold air made me shiver but gave me a clear head as well. We waited some seconds before we got in the car, both of us inhaling the fresh air.

"Why?", I then whispered. "Why does it have to be her?"

"I wish I knew", he sighed.

"Did we do anything wrong and our daughter gets punished for it? Is this Karma?", I sobbed.

When my husband saw the tears running down my cheeks again, he directly pulled me in a hug. I clung to his body, crawling for safety, for a way out of this. But there was only one way and that was facing it. We should all stop looking for reasons our people who are responsible for it. It was too late for that. The only thing to do now was to fight.