a second chance - Hotchniss

Another way [Alaska]

I opened the door to our house in the very late evening and everything was silent. "Mum?", I yelled just as she came out of her bedroom. Her hair was a total mess and it looked like she had just thrown on her clothes.

"Wow", I grinned. "Who was it?"

"What?", she mumbled and headed to the kitchen.

"Are you serious?", I asked and followed her. "You obviously had sex shortly before I came home - oh God, lucky me that I didn't come home earlier - so, who was it - oh, is he still here?"

Suddenly, the thought occurred to me that it could be that it had not been my Dad. Did she meet someone new? A second 'Dad' to me? A new man in her life? I wished I had never asked.

"No, he is not", she yawned and closed her eyes, since she seemed pretty tired. Then, she started to look around in the kitchen.

"What are you looking for?", I asked her.

"Have you seen the divorce documents?", she mumbled, looking through the kitchen over and over again.

"No, I just came home?", I answered.

The divorce papers. Did she want to sign them, so she could start a new life with a new boyfriend?

"Hm, maybe I put them somewhere else", she sighed and turned to me. "How was your time with Jonas?"

"Great", I smiled.

The truth was, I actually only had been at his place for some minutes. After my parents and I had had dinner at home, I had gotten rid of all of the food by throwing up in the shower. Then, I told them that I would got to Jonas, but I actually had jogged for about one hour outside and had done a short workout instead, just to be safe that I would not gain any weight. Not till then I had headed to Jonas' place, where I had taken a shower so I would not look so sweaty. We then had spent some time together until I decided to go home.

I went upstairs and got ready for bed, still thinking about my mother and my father. I had always thought that they would be too scared to get a divorce, especially since they still loved each other. They were meant to be, and everyone knew that apart from these two, dumb persons who are also called my parents.

I wondered if I should just ask her. I had the right to know whether she did see someone else and if so, I had to know who it was. Just in this moment, she knocked on the door and entered the bathroom.

"Is everything alright?", she asked as she discovered me sitting on the floor.

"Sure", I sighed,

"Really?"

"No, I mean... I was just wondering if you're seeing some-someone else. Someone who is not... Dad.", I whispered.

Her eyes widened at this thought before she shook her head 'no'. Oh, thank God. She was single, no new man in her life, no step-dad, no changes.

"And who was it today?", I then asked as she sat down in front of me.

"You don't wanna know", she mumbled, chewing her fingernails. Such an annoying habit.

"I do", I rolled my eyes and looked at her. "Please tell me, Mum."

"Your dad", she then sighed. "It was your Dad."

"WHAT?"

After all this time, after all these fights, after all this unnecessary drama, after everything - they just slept together? What did that mean? Were they a thing again? Would our family be reunited? Could we finally find peaceful happiness again?

"It was only once, I guess", she explained. "Nothing serious. It's not gonna happen again."

"So, you're not together again?", I asked carefully.

"Hell, no. We're not. Actually we had just signed our written divorce.", she said.

"You did WHAT?", I jumped as I heard her words. "You signed the divorce, both of you, without letting me know? I'm your only daughter. I have the right to get to know it all!"

My mother nodded. "Honey, I'm so sorry", she whispered and took my right hand. "We have no idea what's going on at the moment. Neither of us knows whether to sign or not. Maybe we're worth another try, but maybe we would also prevent us from new problems by just signing it."

I looked at her, trying to form an adequate answer. I knew how hard it was for them. Of course I wanted them to try again, but I also knew that they were scared since the past months were quite messy and painful for all of us.

"Do you still love Dad?", I whispered after some time.

She raised her head and looked into my eyes before answering: "I have never stopped."

As soon as she realized that tears were coming up in her eyes, she turned away again and sighed. I was not surprised by her answer itself, I was actually surprised by the fact that she had confessed it out loud, in front of me.

"Then you should not send in the divorce, even though it's signed already. Tell Dad that you have changed your mind.", I suggested.

"I would, but at the moment I cannot even find them", she mumbled. "Maybe he has taken them with them to send them in..."

"Did you talk?", I asked her. "You know, after you..."

She shook her head no and said: "He was already gone when I woke up."

I simply nodded and we remained silent for some minutes.

"You should go to bed", she then whispered. "It's been a log day."

Hell, yes. I then recognized how tired I was and nodded again. Getting up, I started to feel a bit dizzy, but I was able to play it cool and lean on the door to the shower.

"Good night, Mum", I smiled sadly. "You should get some sleep, too."

"Sleep well, Honey", she just answered and I gave her a short hug before heading to my room. As I had closed the door, I went over to my bed and sat down. Suddenly, new hope flashed through my body. They would make it. They would, somehow. There will be a way.

I smiled to myself as I pulled out my book, but the smile quickly faded after I realized what I had eaten today. Even though I had thrown it all up again and did some sports, I felt like I had gained 100 pounds. My eyes started to fill with tears as i wrote all these painful calories down. After I had finished, I put the book back to its place and laid on my bed, crying. 'Be strong', I then thought to myself and changed my clothes for doing a short work out before going to sleep.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.