a second chance - Hotchniss

You are my best friend [JJ]

"Hey you!", Reid greeted me as he entered our floor and passed my desk.

"Morning Spence", I smiled and closed the file in front of me.

"Have you been here the whole night?", he raised his eyebrows.

"No, even though I feel like I have. I left quiet late last night and returned way too early, but I really had to finish this file before we get a new case.", I sighed.

"Well, there's no new case yet", my best friend said.

"I bet if I had not finished it by now, then there would definitely be a new case", I chuckled.

"Maybe", he grinned. "Do you want a coffee?"

"Oh, yes plea-", I stopped as I saw Emily entering our floor. With Hotch. I hadn't seen them coming to work together since they've had started to have problems. They never told the team precisely what had happened, but I knew, since Emily was my best friend. I guess Hotch had told Rossi as well, and in the end, we all knew, but they didn't know that we did.

"Are they-", Reid whispered.

"Coming to work together? Yes, obviously they are!", I answered, confused.

"I haven't seen them talking for so long", he sighed.

"Nobody has since they did not talk to each other for quiet some time", I whispered as we continued to observe them.

"Do you think they'll get back together again?", I asked him.

"Well, the rate for a married couple that is going to be divorced, to get back together again is about-"

"Okay, drop it", I rolled my eyes.

"Morning", Emily sighed as she walked towards her desk.

"Heeeey", I looked at her invasively.

She raised her eyebrows: "Is everything alright?"

"Reid, what about the coffee?", I smiled and he immediately got up again: "I'm on my way!"

"I want one, too", Emily grinned as she sat down. As soon as Reid was gone she looked at me in a confused way: "What's up?"

"Did you two sleep together?", I directly asked.

"What?! No!", she exclaimed. "What makes you think that we did?"

"You look different. And you two came to work together, talking! Do you know how much I missed this image of you two?!", I whispered.

"It's not what you think it is", she sighed. "Alaska is not doing fine. We think she's relapsing. Aaron came over yesterday and we talked about her disorder, plus we found a new calories book of her.."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry to hear that", I said.

"We decided that I should talk to Alaska first and then he left and..."

"And?"

"Maybe we kissed?", she looked at me in an unsure way, like she did not know how I would react.

"You kissed?", I whispered excitedly. "Just like that?"

She nodded: "I don't know how it happened. Anyways, we both apologized for it and didn't speak about it ever since. Then I tried to talk to Alaska but she didn't say a word, she knew what I suspected and got really mad, so she left to stay at Jonas' over night. Aaron then came over again because I called him kinda hysterically.. and then we just fell asleep on the couch. That's it."

"Wow.", I sighed. "How do you feel?"

"I'm scared. About literally everything. I'm worried about Alaska, I blame myself for what is happening right now. And all this stuff makes Aaron and me totally forget about our situation at the moment. 24 hours ago I was still thinking about the divorce and now it's the last thing I would think about since I am more than worried about Alaska.", she explained, looking tired. "I feel like a bad mother."

"You're not! Stop thinking this way!", I hissed. It drove me crazy that she always wanted to take all the blame on her. "You cannot carry everyone's problems on your shoulders!"

Before she could say anything else, Reid returned with the coffee and we started to work again. I thought about Alaska. We had a good bond, her and I. Until she went to the clinic. Afterwards I felt like she tried to distance herself from me. We used to talk a lot, she had told me a lot about her former crush on Jonas, who is now her boyfriend, but now she was like a closed book which would not open to anyone. I felt sorry for Emily and Aaron. My little arguments with my sons at home were nothing compared to their situation with Alaska. I eventually pulled my phone out and sent a text to Alaska, saying: 'I know you do not like to talk a lot, but if you ever need anything, just call me.' I knew that she would not answer, but I just wanted her to know.

I turned my head to the right as I heard that Emily was talking to some kind of doctor on her phone. I guess it was Alaska's doctor from the clinic. I looked at her with sad eyes, wishing I could help them in any way. But I knew Emily Hotchner, and I knew that she would never openly ask for help as well as showing weakness to anyone. She was too stubborn to do so.

-

Later that day, my phone rang. My eyes widened as I read Alaska Hotchner on the screen.

"Hello?", I asked, but nobody answered. I looked around to make sure that Emily was not around, but luckily she was not at her desk. "Alaska?"

"I'm sorry, I should not have called.", she suddenly said.

"It's totally fine, can I help you?", I answered.

"Can my mum hear us? Or my dad?"

"Nobody's here", I ensured. She obviously did not want her parents to know that she called me. Just like her parents, she was very stubborn when it came to showing weakness.

"Okay. I just did not know who I should call. I just had huge fight with Jonas", she sobbed.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear that. What happened?", I asked.

"I found out that he had called my dad and told him that he thinks I am relapsing. He betrayed me! I thought I could trust him, but calling my dad was the worst thing he could have ever done to me! It's none of his business. And do you know what he said? He said that it was the only thing to do since it would be obvious that I am relapsing. He did not even care about the fact that he used my trust!", she sobbed.

"Are you?", I asked calmly.

"What?"

"Are you relapsing?"

"Why the hell is everybody asking me about relapsing?! It's nobody's business whether I eat or not!", she yelled.

"You're wrong. It's your parents' business, it's Jonas' and your friend's business, it's even my business, and do you know why? Because these people all care about you, they love you. And your eating disorder is going to kill you one day if you're going to continue like this. And these people cannot live without you. They are just trying to help.", I explained.

"I do not need help!"

"You do."

"You know nothing, JJ!", and with these words she hung up.

Great. I thought about calling her back, but I knew that she would not answer my call. Instead I thought of telling Emily, but she was still not back at her office. Should I ask Reid for his opinion? No, Emily would kill me if she found out that I told Reid everything. I sighed and leaned back into my chair. I should've reacted supportingly, not this harsh. She called me for getting help, but I did the opposite. I messed up, she would not call me anymore. I was just hoping that maybe some of my words made some sense to her.