a second chance - Hotchniss

Don't you dare [Aaron]

I grabbed Emily's hand and pulled her aside as we left Dr. Adam's office. We both wanted to go back to Alaska's room as quick as possible, but I needed to talk to her.

"We have to hurry", she whispered. "What are you doing?"

"We need to talk-"

"There's no time for this, Aaron! She needs us-"

"Emily!", I interrupted her. "It will only take some minutes and it's concerning Alaska!"

She didn't reply but didn't move neither, so I guessed she gave me a try. "I saw your face in there when Dr. Adams said that there has to be a trigger but we couldn't find any. I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. It's not your fault."

Her eyes started to fill with tears again: "It is. I am her mother, it's my task to care for my child, to ask her how school was, how her relationship or her friends are. A good mother should know her child. But I was light-headed and even believed her that she is not relapsing! I am a profiler but I am not able to read my own daughter? No, you're wrong, Aaron. It is my fault."

"Then it's my fault as well, I am her father-"

"But you haven't lived in the same place as she did the last few months", she whispered and turned around, quickly walking back to Alaska's room.

I let out a breath and followed her. She was right, I had not lived with them the last months. But this had been the actual mistake; I couldn't be there for her.

As I walked up to the door of my daughter's room, JJ and Reid just walked out of it. JJ's eyes were even more red than before, and she broke down in tears as soon as Reid had closed the door behind them. I gave them a concerned look, but Reid just shook his head, whispering: "I'll take care of her, go check on your family." I just nodded and walked past them and entered the room.

Emily was sitting on the right side of Alaska's bed, stroking her arm.

"I am so sorry", she sobbed. "but you cannot give up now, okay? I know that you're strong, you are the strongest girl I have ever seen. We need you here, Dad and I. Just - open your eyes, please!"

The end of her sentence was mixed with another sob, and I grabbed a chair and sat down next to wife. I couldn't take my eyes off Alaska. The way she lied there, not moving at all, surrounded with hoses and machines. The regular 'beep' tones of the different units started to fill my head, making my mind go crazy. My ears started to hurt like hell, due to my previous problems with them.

"Are you okay?", I only then realized that Emily had turned her head to face me. She knew about my ears, but I didn't want to make her worry about me as well, so I nodded.

"When do you think is she going to wake up?", she asked, looking back at our daughter.

"I don't know", I sighed. "I hope it's going to be soon." But I knew that would take a lot of time, she nearly died, her body was at zero and had to start to work again slowly, which would not be done quickly.

"What if she is not going to wake up at all?", my wife suddenly sobbed.

Immediately, I laid one hand on her back, rubbing it supportingly: "Em, you know how strong she is. She is a fighter and she is going to wake up. Understood?"

She nodded, but I knew that she was not convinced at all. Just as she had rested her head against my shoulder, the door opened and Jonas walked in.

"Hello", he whispered, looking like a total mess. "I brought her a bag with her stuff." He put the bag down on the table, not taking his eyes off Alaska.

"Thank you", I nodded.

"I think I should leave you three-"

"No, stay here", I gave him a sad smile. "She would want you to be here."

He was quite unsure and uncomfortable with the situation, but he was also obviously relieved since he wanted to stay with his girlfriend. He sat down on the other side of the bed, holding back his tears.

"I'm so sorry", he then whispered. "I promised to take care of her, but I failed. I should have directly called you when she didn't answer my calls yesterday night, I only talked to JJ the next morning, she only found her then. If I would have just called earlier..."

"Jonas, this is not your fault", Emily whispered. "Please don't make yourself responsible for this."

I nodded in agreement, and suddenly I had an idea: "The doctor said that there had to be trigger for her, that made her think that she has to starve herself. This has already been before her first diagnosis of Anorexia. Do you have any idea? Did something happen at school?"

"A year ago?", he asked and cogitated about it. "Um - I don't know. I'm sorry, I wish I could help... but I will find out, maybe I should ask Stacey and Mira."

Asking her best friends wasn't a bad idea and I was thankful for his help. Turning my head back to my wife, I realized how pale she had gotten. She was shivering and tears still ran down her cheek. I pulled out of my jacket and laid it over her shoulders. "You should drink something", I whispered as she pulled the jacket tighter around her. "A tea, or a coffee? Or a hot chocolate?"

"No, I'm fine", she replied.

"Em.", I gave her a concerned look.

"Fine, coffee", she whispered.

"Do you want something as well?", I asked Jonas but he shook his head 'no'. I left the room quietly and jogged down the hallway in order to get back to my family as quick as possible. When I finally found the coffee dispenser and ordered two coffees, I saw Reid and JJ standing some meters onward, leaning against the wall. Reid was talking to JJ, I guess he was still trying to calm her down, but she just wouldn't relax.

As I grabbed the two coffees and walked back to my daughter's room, I saw them once more, JJ now laying in Reid's arms, crying into his shoulder. I wanted to send them home, but I also wanted to go back, so I decided to text Reid later and quickly walked back.

"Don't you dare give up on this life.

Not tonight.

Not tomorrow.

Not ever."