a second chance - Hotchniss

Friends? [Emily]

The next morning, I headed to work right after Alaska had left to school. I had not talked to Aaron since he had left while I had been asleep yesterday and I felt kinda nervous. I couldn't even tell if it was the good, goofy or the bad, scared kind of being nervous.

As I sat down at my desk, I directly gained a strange look from Reid.

"What is it, Reid?", I sighed without even looking at him.

"Your nails", he said, pointing at my hands. "You started chewing on your nails again."

I looked down on my fingernails. God, I hadn't even realized how awful they looked. Ignoring Reid, I looked through the files and stuff on my desk, which had gotten a lot more since Aaron and I had left earlier to look after Alaska the day before.

"Morning you two", I heard JJ walking in.

"Morning", I mumbled.

"Oh, wow. A bit moody today?", she grinned and sat down.

Before I could say anything, Reid spoke up: "Emily started to chew on her nails again."

"Reid!", I shot him a deadly look and he kept his mouth shut immediately.

JJ was just about to say something as Garcia walked in. "We have a case!"

We all got up and my look went over to Aaron's office, waiting for him to step out. When he finally did, my heart skipped a beat. Our eyes unexpectedly met and I gasped, feeling more and more nervous as he came closer.

"Hey", he smiled shyly as he had finally made his way up to me.

"Hey", I whispered.

"Are you two coming?", JJ suddenly yelled and we snapped out of our thoughts before joining the others.

After Garcia had briefed us about the new case and we all headed back to do our work, Aaron pulled me aside.

"Is everything alright?", I asked him.

"Yea, I just... wanted to talk to you", he said. "That's all."

"Um, okay", I laughed nervously. God, this was so awkward. "Okay, let's be honest", I then sighed. "It's about yesterday, right?"

"Yea", he admitted and looked down. "I threw the documents away before I left."

"Wait, what?", I was confused.

"I threw them away. I don't want this anymore, this divorce-thing.", he stated.

"And have you ever thought about what I want?", I asked him. "Do you remember my words?"

"Do you mean the part where you wanted the divorce or the part five minutes afterwards, where you said you cannot live without me and pulled my shirt over my head?", he shot back.

"Oh, bite me!", I hissed and turned away, walking back to my desk.

"I'm sorry", he said, walking after me. "I should not have said this."

I turned back to him and raised my eyebrows.

"If you still want the divorce, that's okay.", he whispered.

"I don't want it neither, Aaron", I sighed. "But even if we don't get a divorce, that does not mean that we will get straight back together again. Too much has happened. I just cannot immediately forget about all this and you cannot as well. Maybe we should just... continue the way we are doing it right now and look where it's going to lead us?"

"But you do realize that the way we are living right now brings both of us only awkward moments and nervous interactions, where no one knows how they should behave. Like right now. Right?", he asked me.

"Do you have a better solution?", I asked him.

"No", he admitted. "So... we're... friends?"

"I think so. I guess time will tell when it's right to go further.", I nodded.

He just nodded as well and walked back to his office. I knew that he was disappointed since he had obviously hoped for more, but I had told him the truth. I couldn't just forget about everything that was connected to the divorce and get back together with him again. I wish I could, but it was impossible.
I hated to see him this way, knowing that I was responsible for it. All I was hoping for that at least a little part deep inside of him would understand me. I was still trapped in my thoughts, not knowing what was right or wrong and I guess he was as well. Who knows, maybe he would regret what he had just told me tomorrow? I loved him more than anything, but I was not able to show him at the moment. I was just hoping that he knew that.

Later that day I walked up to hie office, knocking on the door.

"Come in", he said and I stepped into the room.

"Hey", I smiled shyly. "Since Alaska is going to go to your place after school I was just wondering if you would like to bring her home and have dinner with us? We could watch a movie again or something like this?"

"I don't know", he mumbled, not looking into my eyes. "Maybe."

"Okay", I simply nodded and was about to leave his office, as this thought snapped through my mind. "You know that I still love you, right?", I whispered before turning around and walking towards the door. He didn't say anything until I was nearly completely out of his office.

"Emily!", I smiled to myself as I stopped and turned back, looking at him.

"I'll be there", he mumbled and looked down again.

"Good", I smiled as I left his office.

I loved his company. He gave me a feeling of security, giving me his warmth and all he had, himself. He was the one for me, nobody knew me better than he did. He was the love of my life.

I choose him. And I'll choose him, over and over and over again. Without pause, without doubt, in a heartbeat, I'll keep choosing him.