a second chance - Hotchniss

Unexpected [Emily]

Alaska fell asleep pretty soon after we had started the movie. She had snuggled up next to me, curled into a blanket. I watched her sleeping peacefully, and at some point I paused the movie and lifted her up so I could carry her to her room. She was nearly as tall as I was, but she maybe had a quarter of my weight, I guess it was even much less. I carried her upstairs, carefully so she would not wake up. As I put her into her bed and tugged her in, I realized how freezing cold she was. I covered her with two additional blankets before giving her a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Good Night, Alaska", I whispered and left the room.

As soon as I had headed downstairs again, my phone rang. Aaron.

"Hey", I said.

"Hey", he answered. "I just called to check if everything is alright?"

"Well", I sighed. "She is doing her best to act like she is fine but I guess she is even lying to herself. I just carried her up to her room, she was freezing cold and I think she lost more weight again, I mean she has always been very skinny and light, but the last time I had to carry her up to her room she weighed more than today..."

"Maybe I should try to talk to her tomorrow", he suggested. "And if this doesn't work, we have to take her to the clinic, if she wants to or not."

"Okay", I whispered. I did to even want to think about taking her to the clinic again. It was horrible.

There was a short moment of silence, until he asked me: "Are you going to bed already?"

"No, I don't think I'd be able to sleep peacefully", I sighed. "What about you?"

"Me neither", he admitted.

"Well, I have like one hour of 'Finding Nemo' left, so if you want to come over, here's some space for you", I joked.

"Are you serious?", he asked.

"Actually this was meant to be a joke, but if you really want to, of course you can", I said softly.

"I'll be right there", he chuckled and I smiled as I hung up.

-

"Wow", he sighed as the movie had finished. "I haven't watched this movie for ages!"

I looked over to him. He sat on the other end of the couch, his eyes following the names that were shown in the end titles of the movie.

"We watch it kinda regularly", I smiled. I directly regretted that I had said that since it reminded us of our past, of how much we had loved watching this movie with Alaska since she had been a toddler.

"I miss it a lot", he admitted, still not looking at me.

I was not able to say anything, I did not know how to react properly.

"Me too", I then whispered, referring to the fact that I missed watching it as a family. That made his head turn to me and we just sat there, staring into each other's eyes. Confusion shot through my body, and I did not know what to do. Suddenly, a tear ran down my cheek. Where the hell did it come from?!, I asked myself since I had not recognized the tears that had formed in my eyes.

He quickly leaned over to me and caught the tear with his thumb. As his hand touched my skin, warmth shot through me. I missed that kind of warmth as much as I missed him. We froze, his hand still at the right side of my face, as he slowly pulled my face closer to him before he leaned in to kiss me. I let it happen, not knowing what exactly was happening. As soon as our lips touched, I wanted more and buried my hands in his hair so I could pull him even closer.

Some minutes later I was about to open his shirt while he was kissing my neck. As I let my hand ran over his torso, I was abruptly brought back to reality. All at once I pulled away from him and looked at him, shocked.

"What are we doing?", I whispered.

"I don't know", he answered, breathless.

We broke apart, both of us clearly embarrassed. He started to button his shirt again while I straightened my hair. I followed him as he got up, walking towards the door.

"I'm sorry", he said and turned around.

"It's okay", I whispered. "We just cannot do this."

He nodded. "Good night then, Emily."

"Good night, Aaron", I smiled weakly. But he did not leave immediately, we just stood there, staring into each other's eyes. And as if we could read the other's mind, we both stepped forwards, looping our arms around each other while our lips collided.

-

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my usual alarm clock, which automatically rang at 5 am every morning. Immediately I tried to get up, but I found myself wrapped up in someone's arms. 'No', I thought to myself as I saw Aaron sleeping next to me. 'No, no, no, no.' I panicked, asking myself how this could have happened and how we were going to handle it. A part of me felt like coming home, since I had missed waking up next to him more than anything else.

Carefully, I pulled out of his arms and got up. After I had taken a shower and pulled on clothes for work, I walked back into my room. I was 5:45 am, so Alaska would get up in about half an hour.

"Hey you", I jumped as I heard Aaron's sleepy voice.

I did not say anything and looked at him in disbelief. How long had I wished for him to sleep in our bed again? And now it had happened, and it felt so right, yet I knew that we should not have done it.

"You're gonna be late for work", I said flatly and he quickly got up and dressed as soon as he had taken a look on his mobile phone.

"Maybe I should stop at my place before heading to work", he sighed, since he was only wearing the casual clothes he had already worn yesterday instead of his usual suit. I nodded and walked him to the door, silently. Neither of us knew what to say, if there even was something to say. Both of us were too scared to speak up, nobody wanted to destroy the friendly basis we had built up the last days. Friendly basis, as if.

"See you at work?", he asked shyly.

"Yea", I whispered and watched him leaving. After I had closed the door, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Help. Why did I give in last night? 'He is your ex-husband-to-be', I told myself. 'And you do not sleep with your ex-husband-to-be!'