When That's The Last Hope Left (BxB)

Chapter 43

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As Jared had a day off therefore was able to go with Dan, Ze drove them after school to Margery's Coffee Home. She would have wanted to go with them, but had to go home so she only dropped them off.

"I can't do this" Dan said quietly outside the coffee shop, shivering from the cold and nerves. The weather was getting warmer but he felt like freezing.

"Yes you can, sweetums" Jared smiled put his hand on his shoulder. "I know I'm just encouraging you, but I really know you can."

"I feel sick. What i-if I'm not as good as she thought? What if I fail, do something silly or there's too many people? What if -"

"And stop right there" Jared chuckled, he was starting to get over anxious. "No more ifs. I know you're nervous, this being your first job and all what you've been through, but try to think you're just going to photograph for fun. I've seen you, Margery's seen you too. I'm sure your nerves go away the minute you get your camera into your hands. Now, let's go before your mind runs too wild to the wrong direction again. You'll be just fine, and I'm all the time with you if you need."

Dan looked at the coffee shop hesitantly, then he relaxed and his face brightened up. Yes, he could do this.

"Yeah, let's go" he said giving an excited smile to his boyfriend and then walked to the entrance and opened the door, Jared following amused.

Stepping inside to the warmth and familiar, nice atmosphere, Dan felt better already. Encouraged by Jared's smile at him before going to sit down at one of the tables, he went to the counter where Margery was behind, sitting on a stool and reading while a short break from serving customers.

"Oh, hello worker" Margery said cheerfully as she noticed him, and took off her reading glasses. "Ready for the hard labour I have prepared for you?"

Dan nodded with a bright smile at her joke, as they both knew this wasn't exactly considered work for him and were excited. It was something he enjoyed doing, now getting paid for it too, and Margery knew very well he was brilliant at it.

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Something was bothering him and Dan forced himself to uncross his fingers from behind his neck and gently push him back, but Jared didn't budge and Dan unintentionally moaned still in the kiss.

That made him flush in embarrassment and deeply shocked snapped out of it, pushing Jared stronger and he finally separated their lips and lifted himself up enough to look at Dan's face.

"What's wrong?" Dan whispered, biting his bottom lip as trying to catch his breath, unaware of what he looked like to Jared and what that caused in him. Jared frowned just to ask what he meant. "That frown alone tells me something's off, and you seem...well, quite...desperate, I don't know..." Dan trailed off embarrassed, not knowing what it was. No response started to make him really worried and nervous. "Jared?" he said quietly, lifting his hand to Jared's cheek softly, who looked like holding his breath gazing at him intently.

"Oh fuck" Jared breathed out, and then relaxed his body and slumped down to right next to him. He covered his eyes with one arm and took a deep breath, looking like being in pain. Dan waited silently, he had asked and not knowing what more to do, while rising up to sit on the same spot and crossing his legs. "I'm sorry..."

"W-what for?" Dan started to fiddle with his hoody sleeve ends.

"For...everything" Jared muttered, letting his arm back down and looking at him again. He had almost got too caught up in the moment, forgetting he needed to talk with Dan and... His gracious eyes were currently so sad that Dan almost gasped. "Oh my god, what just... I wanted to talk with you, and then...I didn't mean to... Dan, I'm so sorry but I can't do this right now, and I don't want you forced into this either. What I mean is, I love you and that hasn't and will never change, but I think it's best for you and I to...you know, take a break, from us being together, because -"

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"I u-understand" Dan stayed composed during him speaking until he said, making the mistake of opening his mouth which also opened the dam in his eyes. He quickly dried his eyes, not wanting Jared to see him breaking but of course it was too late. He would be, do, say or go with anything Jared wanted. Knowing that scared him now, but his own emotions were dying.

"Dan, please, don't cry -"

"I don't care" Dan said quickly with a fake smile and stood up, and Jared rose up to sit. He was feeling anxiously self-conscious in Jared's presence. "No need to apologise, I see and it's okay. I need to go, um, out for a bit..."

How quickly everything was collapsing...

Jared sighed, recognising well his signs of starting to panic and he just wanted to help calm him down, but felt like just doing damage if he hindered his escape.

"Okay, um, and just one more thing. You're not going to, try doing anything...stupid, irresponsible again, are you?" he asked carefully, just seeing his state needed to be sure he wasn't going to hurt himself when left alone. It wasn't wise for Dan to go alone out, but what could he do to stop him. At the moment he had no rights.

"Oh, don't w-worry, I'm not going to hurt myself" Dan said blankly, understanding what he meant. "You weren't...aren't the o-only reason to live for. I'll be f-fine" he gave a humourless, hollow laugh.

With that he was out of the room, and Jared flopped back on the bed. Fucking shit...

He had just done maybe his life's worst mistake, at least it felt like that, but he had to try save Dan and himself.

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