I was woken up by the sound of footsteps, someone was bustling around the room. I raised my eyelids slowly and it was a mistake, because my eyes were stinging mercilessly, and in addition were swollen. Oh and I needed a glass of water immediately.
- You woke up, great! I'm taking you to the training - he said, packing things into the bag, not even looking at me.
- Can I stay home today? - I asked weakly, sitting down. Neymar stopped packing, looked at me and sat on the edge of the bed.
- What's wrong?
- I can't do it... - I struggled with tears gathering in my eyes.
- I won't let you close in yourself again - great determination flared from him.
- Please, let me stay - I looked at him trying not to cry.
- Well, okay - he sighed - just don't cry, you've already poured too many tears -he got up, packed the bag and headed for the door. - Oh and don't do anything stupid - he said seriously. - See you later.
- Bye - I answered when he disappeared behind the door. After a moment I got out of bed and went to my room.
***
I have no strength... I can't... This is all too much... I feel like I'm falling apart piece by piece. Not much of me left. A week has passed since the doctor's visit, and I still can't get myself together. Stupid I was hoping it would pass, it would just go away. Reality, however, turned out to be completely different. It hurts, it hurts so bad. I hate this feeling. It's still sitting inside of me. I was hoping that maybe it would weaken, that I would get used to it at least. No way... You're probably bored and think "What's her point? She cries, cries and cries nothing more. Let her get out of bed and move her ass, instead of feeling sorry for herself." Just how to do it when you don't have the strength to even get out of bed, when you have nobody to move on for, nobody to live for? If my baby was with me, maybe then... That's true I wasn't ready for a baby, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't welcome him or her with great joy and love. I would love him the most in the world. Now I can only speculate, guessing. I can't do anything. Someone please take this pain away from me. I'm not able to do this anymore, I want to disappear... I heard a knock at the door. I wiped tears from my cheeks quickly and corrected myself on the bed, as if it would make me look like I haven't been crying at all. The door opened and Neymar appeared.
- How are you feeling? - he asked, sitting next to me.
- Fine - I answered quietly.
- I'd like to believe you, but you don't look like it's all fine - he was looking at me acutely, as if he wanted to read my thoughts.
- I want to die - I said after a moment of silence. A few tears ran down my cheeks.
- Don't say that! - he suddenly came to life and grabbed my hands. - I don't let you even think like that. Do you understand? - he looked at me with nervous and at the same time frightened eyes. - You promised, remember? -he was staring at me, waiting for the answer. I shook my head in agreement. - You can't die - he looked straight into my eyes and I felt an amazing hot inside me.
- I have no reason to live - I lowered my head.
- Live for me - at that moment I felt like the whole world had stopped for a moment. I was surprised by what he said and began to wonder whether or not I misheard it.
- What? - I looked at him with a questioning look. I wanted to hear it again.
- Live for me - he said calmly than before. - If you don't have a reason to live, live for me then - he wiped a lonely tear from my cheek. His touch was as gentle as the touch of an angel. - You won't hurt yourself? - he asked to make sure.
