The Dream Is Not Over

Clear As Day

Later that evening, there's a knock on the door. I'm in pajamas, just having removed my makeup and moisturized my face and body. I get up from the couch, putting my book and glasses down on the coffee table. I answer the door and step back.

"Lindsey!" I gasp.

"Hey, uh, I just came to get some clothes."

"Oh, okay." He can hear the sadness there, and he looks back as me as I follow him up the stairs to our room.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asks.

"Not really. I'm just trying to take it easy."

"Good. You'll be busy this weekend so you'll need your strength."

"So I take it you won't be coming?" He turns once he gets to the door and looks at me, searching my eyes.

"Do you want me there, Stevie? I'm serious. I know you want me there for River but do you, Stephanie, want me here with you all weekend."

"Yes" I say without hesitation and he smiles. It's the first time I've seen him actually happy in a while.

"Really?"

"Yes, Lindsey, I do. Despite how much of a complete asshole you can be, I'm still madly in love with you."

He dares to lean forward and kiss my cheek, then my neck. "You smell good." he says, nuzzling his nose into the soft skin just below my ear.

"I took a bath earlier with the oils you got me for our anniversary."

He ran his hand under my pajama top and touched my bare flesh beneath. "Your skin is so soft."

"Thank you."

"You're beautiful." he says, kissing my neck again. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." He pulls my hips to his, pressing us into the door. His kisses become more hungry and his hand wanders up my side.

"We can't, Lindsey." He continues to kiss me, and I push him away. "I said no." He backs off and I reach behind me to turn the door knob. I almost fall backward into our room and he follows me.

"I'm sorry, it was out of line."

"It's okay." I tell him and he nods, not wanting to stir up any emotions I might be hiding.

"You don't mind if I take a shower, do you? I'll grab a few things then be on my way. I'll be back Saturday."

"Why don't you just stay, Linds? River and Olivia will be by around four or five tomorrow I think, if tomorrow's Friday."

He smiles sweetly. "Yeah, tomorrow is Friday."

"That means we can spend all day together. We can talk or maybe we could go out for lunch or something."

"I'd like that."

I feel like we are making progress, but my mind goes right back to reality. "Did you bring your laundry?"

"I did, but I'll do it another day."

"I can do it tonight, if you want."

"You shouldn't be doing my laundry when you're sick. I'm a grown man, I'm sure I can figure it out."

"Okay" I say, sitting down on the bed.

"Are you sure you're alright?" He takes his shirt off and tosses it on the floor, getting ready for his shower.

"I'm fine, just like a said before."

"You'd tell me if there were something wrong, wouldn't you?"

"Stop worrying, I'm fine. I always am." My tone is sharp and I see him withdraw, nodding silently. After all these years, I just know him and he knows me probably better than I know myself.

——

After Lindsey's shower, I head into the bathroom to clean up all the water he left. I swear, he shakes off like a big, shaggy dog. I wipe the mirror and the sink with a hand towel and I accidentally knock his watch off onto the rug in front of the sink. I bend down to pick it up then stand up quickly. I get a head rush, and brace myself on the edge of the vanity.

"Jesus, this sucks." I think back to the last time I felt this horrible. It's been such a long time...almost twenty years. I bite my lip and hunt under the sink for something I had stashed there forever ago. We had a scare and I thought for sure, but now...."Ah-ha." I open the box and read through the instructions quickly. I go about my business and shut the door, knowing this would take a long time, if it worked at all. The thing was practically prehistoric.

I hurry downstairs to check on Lindsey. He's sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table, drinking a beer. He was in a v neck tee shirt and sweat pants. His feet were bare and he kept curling and flexing his toes as if he were exercising them. He looks up at me as I enter the room. "Hey!"

"Hey! Do your feet hurt?"

"I've been sleeping on a small leather loveseat in boots for a week. I haven't taken them off."

"You should switch back to flip flops then, Mr Hippie." I say, nudging him as I take my place on the couch. He smiles at me and I smile back.

"I can't. I remember a certain someone getting so mad at me over those 'Angel' harmonies that she threatened to 'rip those damn Jesus sandals off my feet and beat me over the head with them'."

I giggle. "I wonder who that could have been?"

"Yeah, I wonder." He kisses my cheek and his hand finds mine. Our fingers lace together and he picks up our hands, kissing my knuckles. "That feels like so long ago."

"Our son was..."

"Ten or eleven, I think."

"And now he's a man, getting married." I lay my head on his shoulder and he kisses my hair.

"Yep. Our baby isn't really a baby anymore, is he?"

"I guess not."

"Do you ever miss it, having a baby around?" he asks and I'm shocked. He has always talked about, jokingly or not, how one was more than enough.

"Um, I don't know."

"Oh, yeah, me neither." he says, backpedaling. "I'm gonna grab another beer." He gets up quickly and I almost fall over from his abrupt departure. He didn't even give me time to stop leaning on him. I was so comfortable! I watch him leave, remembering my test sitting upstairs on the bathroom counter. I make sure he's still occupied and sneak off to look at it.

I open the door and hold my breath. I pick up the instructions and read them again, staring at the answer. "This has got to be wrong....right?" The instructions are clear as day and the test doesn't lie. I sit down on the edge of the tub. I'm pregnant.