The Dream Is Not Over

The Wolf That Lives In Lindsey (pt 1)

"Baby, the kids are here!" Lindsey shouts up the stairs. I'm almost ready. I brush out the final curl I've created with my curling iron then twist it around my finger to soften it.

"I'm coming!" I yell back, checking my appearance in the mirror. Neither of them have seen me in a while and I feel like I look like a different person. I've put on a little weight due to the pregnancy and my face has filled out. Lindsey has been complimenting me and making me feel better about my changing body nonstop. He says he likes the way I look now just as much as before. I smooth the front of my dress and rush out of the room. I head downstairs in time to see Lindsey open the door.

Olivia walks in wearing a long, flowy white, thin strapped dress. Her wavy blonde hair has tiny braids woven throughout and seems lighter than I remember, sunkissed just like her skin. Her dark eyes are enhanced by a shimmery gold and bronze eye as well as a generous coat of black mascara on her long eyelashes. Freckles are scattered across the bridge of her nose and over her cheek bones. She looks healthy, vibrant and alive. Even my son looks tanner than usual and like he has been working out. His muscles are defined even through his white v-neck tee shirt and jeans. He's wearing a smoky quartz on black cord around his neck and there are leather bracelets on his wrist. His bright eyes are a contrast to his darker skin and hair. He's just as beautiful as when he was first laid in my arms twenty years ago.

I take a deep breath as I approach, nervous yet excited. "I'm so happy you're both here!" I say, hugging Olivia.

"We're happy to be here too. You look gorgeous!"

"Thank you." River stands there awkwardly and I move toward him. "Can I have a hug?" I ask and his eyes widen.

"Of course you can, mom. My god, I'm not a stranger."

The moment his arms envelope me, I begin to cry. I inhale his earthy cologne, basking in the strength of his embrace. "I've missed you so much, baby."

"I've missed you too. Let me look at you." I created space between us and I watched his eyes scan my body. "I think you feel more different than you look."  He chuckles. "Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I understand." I say, watching a smile grow on his face. "Liv's right. You look absolutely gorgeous."

"Thank you, honey." I smile at him, touching his cheek. He's growing a beard, and he looks so much like his father as a young man.

To think, at his age, we were already parents. Lindsey and I had been married for over a year. Everyone told us we were too young and we never felt that way but now I understand. We were very young and looking at my son and his beautiful fiancée, I know they feel the same way we did. They're in love, they're happy and they want to spend their lives together.

I'm on the other side now.

A movement in my belly only pulls me deeper into my thoughts. I'm in such a strange season of my life. All at once I am giving my son away yet bringing another life into the world in a few months' time.

"Steph?"

"Hmm?" I turn my head to look at Lindsey and he smirks at me.

"Daydreaming again?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm gonna grab the bags and bring them up to their room."

"Thanks, hun."

"Are you okay?" River asks, giving me a strange look.

"I'm fine. I don't know where my mind went."

"Are you getting enough sleep? You need to rest, Mom. I asked you not to over exert yourself and worry so much."

"River, you're concerned over nothing. I'm sleeping about as well as I can. I've rested much more than I have in weeks since speaking to you."