The Dream Is Not Over

Forgiveness

Shortly after the birth, I must have fallen asleep. I wake up and the room is completely quiet. I lift my head a little, looking around the room. I vaguely remember needing a stitch or two and not feeling them, as well as the doctor taking the baby briefly to be weighed and measured. I feel the weight of the baby on my chest and I smile. I look down, and we are both dressed, I in my night gown and the baby in a footed sleeper. It's a yellow one, not the pink and white striped one I had brought for a little girl. Was I wrong? Do I have all of these pink and frilly things sitting in the closet at home and no baby to put them on? I turn my head, and see Lindsey asleep in the chair across the room, by the window. He looks so peaceful, I don't want to wake him.

I press my sleeping baby to my chest with one hand while trying to sit myself up with the other. I huff, feeling weak and tired. Through my struggle, Lindsey stirs and his eyes flutter open. He sits up straighter immediately, and gets up.

"Steph, let me help you," he says, softly. He tries to take the baby and I plead with him to let me hold her...him? I'm not sure. "Just for a minute."

I nod, though I don't want to let go and he places our sleeping baby in the cot by the bed. He helps me adjust and adjusts the pillows behind me. My chest hurts and I cup my breasts gently. My milk is coming in already, just hours after birth. I reach out for the baby and he helps me lift my chubby cheeked angel to my chest. The baby's eyes open and I watch for signs of hunger. I'm excited to learn their cues, their little personality. I take the little hat off and run my fingers over soft blonde hair. I inhale deeply, taking in the newness and I smile.

"Are you hungry?" I whisper, unbuttoning my night gown. Lindsey watches in awe as the baby latches almost perfectly. I check to make sure the lips are flared but this little one knows what they're doing.

"You guys look good together," Lindsey mentions once the baby begins to eat and I look up.

"You think?"

"Yep." He sits on the edge of the bed and I'm worried the baby will unlatch as their eyes open for a moment but they're closed just as quickly. Lindsey looks down, smoothing the tip of his finger over the gentle curve is the baby's ear. "Eight pounds, eight ounces, if you were wondering."

"Big baby," I remark and he chuckles softly.

"Especially for such a little woman but you did it beautifully."

"Thank you."

He kisses my forehead. "It's strange, yknow? It's like deja vu." I hum softly in response, rubbing the baby's back. "River was blonde too, at birth."

"Oh, that's right! I was gutted when it started to darken up."

"I remember. You still have his baby curls saved." He chuckles lightly and he touches my shoulder, squeezing it gently. "I can't believe we're going to be doing it all again."

"Neither can I, but are you happy?"

"Thrilled. Of course, I'm over the moon."

I sigh. "I can't believe I was wrong...I was so sure."

"Hm?" Lindsey asks, looking up at me briefly as we were both studying the baby in my arms. "What were you wrong about?"

"It doesn't really matter I guess. Healthy is the important thing."

"It is, but I thought you wanted a girl...didn't you?"

My hand stops moving over the baby's back. "What?"

"A girl. We had a little girl, do you not remember?"

"A girl?"

He nods. "I told you as soon as the doctor helped me cut the cord."

Tears fill my eyes and as the baby drops off, I pull her to my shoulder and pat her back. "Wow..."

"I knew you would be right. Your instincts are never wrong." I can't stop smiling or crying for that matter. I would have been happy either way. Had this baby been a boy, I would have cried too but to finally hold the little girl I had been waiting for, for months...it's an incredible feeling. "Were you thrown off by the yellow?"

I nod, shyly. I should have gone with my gut but I knew Lindsey would have insisted we not put a little boy in the pink sleeper, even if the baby himself wouldn't have cared. "Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent."

"Oh, Linds..." He kisses my lips this time and I fall even more in love with him.

"They have a strangely short supply of baby name books in this hospital but even so, I was able to grab one and scan through basically every single possible name known to man. I have compiled a short list of the ones I thought you'd like." He pulls a piece of hospital stationery out of his pocket and clears his throat for dramatic effect.

"Alright." I wipe my tears, feeling the baby's fast heartbeat against my much slower one.

"The first one is...Myrtle." He looks up from his list and I'm confused. What? Myrtle? Was Mildred taken? His face remains neutral and my eyebrows knit together. "If you don't like that one, how about Gladys, or Ingrid? Ingrid is nice!" he says enthusiastically.

"I suppose..." Though it's not really my style, it is a vast improvement.

He stares at me a moment then laughs. "I'm just kidding." I breathe a sigh of relief and he strokes my hair, kissing my forehead. "There's actually only one name on this list. Once I saw this one, any of the others I had thought could work, seemed stupid."

"What is it?" I ask and he hands me the piece of paper he has been holding. K-A-I-Y-A is written in all capitals on the first line, printed on the second and in cursive on the third.

"Kaiya," he says. I can feel him tremble beside me. I haven't said a word and I'm sure it's making him nervous. "You don't like it," he concludes and I shake my head.

"No, it's perfect. What does it mean?"

"Forgiveness." I look up at him and he has tears in his eyes again.

"Forgiveness?" He nods. "That's beautiful, Linds."

"You can choose the middle name, I just really hoped you'd like this one enough to use it."

"I do." I'm thoughtful a moment, looking down at our baby girl. "What about Jane? Kaiya Jane Buckingham."

"I love it." He lifts my chin, practically glowing with pride.

"You do?"

"I do," he confirms.

"Seal it with a kiss then?" I ask, puckering my lips slightly.

He presses his lips to mine, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. His fingertips brush my jaw line and as we break our kiss, I feel our lips simultaneously curling into smiles. "Always."

A/N: no more suspense! I was excited to share this short chapter with you all. I hope you like it. What did you think of the names Lindsey suggested? What do you think of the name he actually chose? Thank you all for reading ❤️❤️