The Dream Is Not Over

Coming Clean

I'm exhausted, nearly falling asleep on the drive back to the house. Lindsey touches my hand, stroking it with his fingertips.

"We're home, honey," he says softly. I adjust myself in my seat as the car stops. He turns off the ignition and scoffs. "River beat us home. You think he's packing?" He gets out of the car and opens my door for me.

As soon as we open the front door, music fills my senses. U2's new song, so it must be the radio. I smile, watching my son and my future daughter in law laughing and kissing in the kitchen.

Lindsey kisses my cheek, heading upstairs while I stand there watching them. It reminds me of when River was little. His father and I couldn't get enough of each other. We were always holding hands or kissing and once we got our own place, we had to christen every room. And we did, many times over. I sigh, missing those days with Lindsey. We're close and we are doing much better after our fight but it's just not the same.

I continue to walk through to the kitchen, and Olivia catches sight of me first. She pulls herself from my son's arms and turns the radio down.

"Hey, take a seat," she says, motioning to the table.

"I'm alright, I'm just going to grab a glass of juice and head upstairs," I tell her and her smile fades.

"You're not going to hang out?"

"I don't want to get in your way. When I was your age, I was more than happy not to have my parents around. Especially when I could be alone with Lindsey."

"Ew, mom!" River exclaims and Olivia giggles.

"Don't be such a prude," she swats playful at my pink-cheeked son. "Besides, Stevie we like being around you, don't we Riv?"

"We do, but Dad is practically glued to your side now so..."

"What's going on with you two?," she asks before I get the chance and I smile at her for starting the conversation.

"We just don't get along. I don't know what the big deal is!" He's getting defensive and I can tell it bothers him. "Some people just don't get along with their parents. All of us don't need to be close to be happy."

"That's true, River but baby, it doesn't have to be like this. I remember you guys used to be really close. Even though you would fight at times, you still managed to go out on secret trips without me. You bonded."

"Yeah, but I was a kid." River runs a hand through his hair. "Things change."

"What about when you and Olivia have children?"

"That's not for a while, mom" he says, shifting uncomfortably.

"Even so, wouldn't it upset you if this effected the relationship your kids had with your father? You know he would be a great grandpa some day. Playing in the backyard, giving swim lessons, guitar lessons...he would spoil them rotten." He shrugs, as if he doesn't care. "What if it effected the relationship I had with your children?"

"How?"

"If you are so angry at your father, and you lose connection with each other...I'm sure you wouldn't bring those babies here as often. If your father is glued to my hip, I'd never—" Tears begin to fill my eyes. Unfortunately the plan has backfired and instead of making River emotional, I've driven myself to tears. Stupid hormones! I rub my belly, feeling the baby moving around in there.

"Mom..." River looks sympathetic. He walks toward me and wraps me in his arms.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't...you're right. I guess it would be sad if this went on so long that neither of you were part of my life anymore. Olivia and I have talked about having kids at some point and...and it would kill me if dad wasn't there." He pulls back a little to look at me. "I've always been closer with you, but I used to have something special with my dad. That's gone now."