A New Year's Kiss (BoyxBoy)

6. I'm Gay

Jay

New Years Eve 2015

I'd finally made it to the off licence. I waved at Bill as I made my way over to the cheap larger.

I'd known Bill for several years, having been in this off licence a lot since I moved here. He knew that my mum was an alcoholic and even served me when I was underage, knowing full well that it wasn't going to be me drinking the beer.

I picked up the extra cans and handed the money over to Bill.

We exchanged a few words, then I headed out back towards the flat.

I checked my watch. 5:30. The nerves were starting to come back. I hurried home, handed the beer to my mum and jumped in the shower.

As the water trickled over my face I began to think of the enormity of what I was going to do tonight.

Was I actually coming out?

I snorted at that thought. I wasn't gay. I'd never wanted to kiss any other boy before, but I guess you could say I was coming out about my feelings for Alex.

Would that mean people would call me gay? I thought about it for some time, trying to decide whether that bothered me. I don't think it did. What did it matter what people thought I was? It might have mattered more when I was still in high school, when I would have had to deal with the idiots who would see it as a weakness to be exploited.

But I was at college now, and I don't think any of them would even bother to look up from their phones even if I announced it on the tannoy.

It wasn't so easy for Alex when he came out as gay. I remembered it well.

March 2013

Alex had been acting strange for a few weeks. It was hard to put my finger on exactly what it was that was different, but something was.

We had been playing on the X-box as usual, and I noticed Alex staring out of the window, lost in his own thoughts.

"Come on Alex, they're killing us here!" I shouted while trying in vain to shoot at the swarm of zombies chasing me.

Alex snapped out of his trance and looked at the screen for a moment before putting down his controller and saying, "I'm bored of this now, I'm going to get a drink."

It took all of 30 seconds before I died.

I threw down my controller in frustration. That was it. It was an unwritten rule that you never quit part way through a game. I didn't know what was going on with him, but I was sure as hell going to try to find out.

He reappeared a few minutes later carrying 2 cans of Coke. He handed one to me then plopped down on his beanbag with a huge sigh.

I grabbed a chair and pulled it over so I was sat immediately in front of him.

"Alex, what's wrong?" I asked, keeping my tone light.

Alex looked up at me, clearly surprised that I had noticed anything was the matter. When his eyes met mine, he quickly looked back down at his Coke and mumbled, "nothing's wrong."

I sighed, not willing to give up quite yet, "You can tell me you know. I know something's bugging you, so you might as well tell me now, or I'll just keep on at you till you do."

Alex looked at me again, with what looked like fear in his eyes, and for the first time I suddenly started to worry that something really was up.

He looked at me that way for a few seconds without saying anything so I said, "Look, if you need me to help you bury a body, I'm up for that.."