A New Year's Kiss (BoyxBoy)

28. Whatever it Takes

Jay

It was Sunday morning and I was woken up by a knock on the door.

My head felt groggy and I stumbled up to answer it.

"Hello Jay". It was Alex's mum.

I blinked, both in surprise at seeing her, and because the sun was shining and my eyes that had still to adjust from waking up.

"May I come in?" she said seen as I hadn't offered her an invite.

"Of course" I said, standing back to let her in.

As we were walking upstairs to the flat, I tried to remember what state the flat was in. Whatever it was, surely it couldn't be as bad as the last time she came, when my mother was alive.

Once she was in the lounge, I asked her to sit down and said I would be back shortly.

I hurried into my bedroom and quickly threw on a pair of black jeans and a plain grey t-shirt, before quickly brushing my teeth.

When I came back out into the lounge I could see her looking at some letters that were on the table.

She quickly averted her gaze when she saw me.

"Thank you for doing as I asked and giving Alex some space," she said.

"How is he?" I asked, desperate to hear anything.

"He's doing ok......physically, but mentally it's hit him harder than I thought."

"Oh, I'm sorry." I said, looking down at my hands.

"The thing is, he blames you for everything, and so I was hoping you could come and see him and.."

"....hang on a minute" I interrupted. "If he blames me, which he should by the way, how would it help for me to see him?"

Alex's mum looked away from me, as though she was slightly uncomfortable with asking me this.

"Well, I just thought......well I thought it might help.....if he could actually tell you how he feels."

"You mean you want him to shout at me?"

She blushed slightly. "Well, yes, I suppose that's what I am saying. I know it's a lot to ask, as you have your own stuff going on," as she gestured to the letters on the table, "but I'm running out of suggestions to try to pull him out of this fog he seems to have smothered himself in."

I could recognise the look in her eye now. It was desperation.

I shrugged my shoulders. "If you think it would help, of course I'll do it. It's the least I can do."

Relief washed over Alex's mum's features. "Thank you," she said, with genuine warmth in her voice.

I smiled, pleased that I could do something to help.

Alex's mum's eyes started scanning around the room. "It's changed a bit since I was last in here," she said with a slight chuckle.

"It's a lot easier to keep it tidy now it's just me" I said, understanding what she meant.

Her eyes suddenly landed on something that made her jolt in surprise. I followed her eyes and saw that she was looking at the bottle of whiskey with the full glass next to it.

"I haven't drunk any!" I said feeling suddenly panicky.

"Look" I said, getting up and walking over to the bottle, "if I pour this back in, the bottle will be full." And then I demonstrated this, by actually pouring the liquid back into the bottle.

Alex's mum smiled at me sadly. "Alex told me you were drinking heavily before the....well before everything happened."

I sat back down and stared at my feet. "Yes I was."

"Was?" she asked.

I looked up at her. "Yes, was. I haven't touched a drop since I did what I did. I tell myself that if I even have one drink, I'm harming Alex even more than I already have, and I can't do that to him. That's why last night I poured myself that drink and stared at it for 3 hours straight."

"Are you getting any help?" Alex's mum asked.

I felt a pang of guilt that everyone told me I should get help and I still hadn't.

"No I haven't yet," I replied honestly, "but after last night I think I should. I'm not sure I'll be strong enough to do this on my own."

"Jay, you're not alone" she said, touching my arm lightly.

"In fact, while I'm here, do you want to go through some of these," she said, gesturing to the letters on the table. "You can't ignore them forever."

The letters were bills. Or more accurately final reminders and threats of court and bailiff action.

I didn't want to go through them with her, and it took a lot to swallow my pride.

"Thank you. To be honest I don't know where to start."

So for the next hour Alex's mum sat in my flat going through all my bills and making phone calls to various companies.

Most of the debts were in my mum's name so it turned out I didn't need to pay them. And other's Alex's mum managed to get reduced after explaining my circumstances.

The main problem was my rent. I had a letter to say I was going to be evicted next month due to rent arrears. As the tenancy was in my mum's name, technically it was her debt, but the moment I told them my mum had died, it was likely that I would be kicked out of the flat anyway.

I could see that Alex's mum was looking concerned for me.

"Don't worry about it" I said trying to reassure her. "It's probably about time I gave up this flat. Too many bad memories."

"But where will you go?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I'm sure Mr & Mrs Finley would have me until I sort myself out. Or I could go and stay with my dad for a bit."

She raised her eyebrows at this. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

I shrugged. "He's been clean for a long time, and I've been thinking that maybe he is the best person to help me through this, seen as he's done it himself."

Alex's mum blinked at me in surprise then smiled. "My God Jay, you've suddenly grown up haven't you. I guess my little boy is growing up too." She looked away with a nostalgia filling her eyes.

The silence felt thick in the room as we were both briefly lost in thoughts of the past.

Then I turned to Alex's mum and said, "I'll do whatever it takes to help Alex. I'll be the one he can hate, or the one whose shoulder he can cry on. I'll be as near or far from him as he wants me to be. Whatever he wants, whatever's best for him, I'll do it."

Alex's mum's eyes looked slightly glassy as she pulled me into a hug.

"Thanks Jay. And I'm thanking you on behalf of Alex too, because he needs to focus on himself right now, and won't be able to see what you're doing for him."

I knew what she meant by that.

Tomorrow, all Alex's built up anger and resentment was going to be hurled my way.

I had a sinking feeling that tomorrow might be the last time I see Alex in a long time.