A New Year's Kiss (BoyxBoy)

7. This Faggot's a Fighter

Jay

2013 cont...

I wish I could say that finding out my best friend was gay didn't change how I acted towards him, but I couldn't.

It's not that I thought any different about him, hell, he was my best friend whoever it was that he was attracted to. It was just that I didn't know what that changed about our friendship. Did he expect me to treat him differently? Did he want me to talk about boys with him? The whole thing just made me feel on edge.

Here's a bit of advice to all those who have the balls to "come out" to a friend:

Please be understanding if they don't react as you would like them to. You have probably had years to get used to the idea before you share it with them. They have had a few seconds to process it before they are expected to respond. They, like you, will need time to get used to the idea, to understand what you are going through, and to know how to be around you. But don't give up on them. They will get there in their own time, and before you know it, your bond will probably be stronger than ever.

So for the next few weeks, for the first time, I felt unsure of myself around Alex. So we would be watching a film and a woman would come on in a tight fitting top, leaving nothing to the imagination, and I would be about to comment, then realise that he wouldn't be interested. Then when we came out of gym practice, I would no longer feel comfortable looking at him in the shower, so I tended to talk to him while looking at the wall. And I just stopped touching him altogether. I used to think nothing of throwing my arm round his shoulders or picking him up and swinging him round (because he was just so small!). But now I didn't do that. I'm not even sure why.

After coming out to me, he had also come out to other friends at school and soon it seemed everyone knew. On the whole he didn't get too much hassle about it, probably because he was already popular, and now all the girls were clammering over him to be their "gay friend".

Then one lunch time, out of the blue, he told me he was going to have his lunch with Chad and Finn. Chad and Finn were the only other two boys in the school that were openly gay, although they weren't a couple.

I didn't like Chad and Finn. Finn was your stereotypical gay guy - feminine and camp with a bent wrist to go with it. I suppose it was wrong of me to say I didn't like him. I just didn't understand him or have anything in common with him. Chad was more masculine, but he was an idiot, and that had nothing to do with him being gay. Chad always told everyone he liked to "tell it as it is" which was basically his defence for insulting everyone he met.

In the past I would have taken the piss out of Alex for hanging out with these guys, but once again I found I was unable to say anything for fear of being thought of as homophobic.

Over the coming weeks, he would hang out with them more and more, and I was left to find something else to do during break and lunch times.

That's when I started playing football (soccer). A group of lads, including Rob and Trent would play football at every opportunity they got, so I just joined in. I was good at football, and could have been on the team if I wanted, but it just didn't get into my blood, like it did with other boys. Still, it passed the time, and meant I didn't have to have awkward conversations trying to make new friends.

Over time, I noticed that Alex and his gay pose were starting to hang out on the bench at the far end of the football field at lunch time. I would find that between plays I would look over at them and basically watch Alex. He would smile and chat with them, but he wasn't the Alex I knew. There was none of that sparkle and energy that usually radiated off him.

On one particular cloudy Tuesday Rob had booted the ball miles passed the goal, so I found my eyes wandering over to Alex while someone went to retrieve it. He was hanging out with Chad and Finn as usual. I noticed a group of lads from the year above us wander over and start talking to them. I could tell straight away from their body language that they weren't saying anything nice. A couple of seconds later I saw one of them move aggressively towards Chad and Alex pushed his way in between them shielding Chad. A couple of the other lads moved up and one of them grabbed Alex and pinned him up against the fence.