A New Year's Kiss (BoyxBoy)

39. Who Would Want Me?

Jay

I was emotionally spent by the time we got back to Alex's. Alex on the other hand seemed to be radiating energy and didn't seem to be able to stay still for any more than a few seconds.

Even once we had collapsed onto the sofa bed, Alex still couldn't seem to relax.

"Aleeeex," I moaned. "Just turn around already so I can get some sleep."

"Oh sorry," he said, while obliging and letting me scoot into his body.

Alex began to chuckle. "You could just imagine what Danny would have to say if he saw us now!"

"Screw Danny," I murmured, willing Alex to shut up so I could sleep.

Alex laughed. "No thanks, he's not my type."

I smacked him lightly round the head for his crude thoughts, but I smiled nethertheless.

Alex finally went quite and I could just feel myself drifting off when...

"Jay?"

"Mmm?" I murmured in response.

"Was it me you were talking about, with the kiss?"

My eyes shot open. Damn it! I didn't have the energy for this right now.

"Alex, really? You want to do this now?"

"Sorry," he said, cuddling in closer, if that was possible. "It just keeps playing on my mind and I might be able to sleep if we talk about it for a bit."

I sighed, realising he was probably right, and talking about it was going to be the only way I would finally get some sleep.

"Ok then, yes it was you. But you knew that anyway. I know you felt it too, which was why it messed things up so much between us."

Alex was silent for a moment, but I knew it was because he was thinking it through rather than because he was going to sleep.

"Did you ever regret it?" he asked in a small voice.

"All the time," I replied back without hesitation.

I felt him flinch in my arms and I realised how harsh that might have sounded.

"If it had been with anyone else, I wouldn't have regretted anything, but I kissed my best friend, and I kissed him without even thinking of the consequences to our friendship. That's a pretty shitty thing for a best friend to do if you ask me."

"Ok," Alex said, sounding a little sad.

I felt bad.

"Alex, turn round and look at me."

Alex twisted round in my arms and I found myself looking directly into his beautiful blue eyes, with our faces just a couple of inches apart.

The look in his eyes made me feel a little broken inside. He looked lost and sad.

I knew that part of this was due to the beer he'd been drinking, but it still gave me a warm feeling in my stomach that he clearly thought about that kiss too.

"Alex you know I love you, and you're the bestest best friend in the whole world, but even you have to admit that it was stupid of me to do that."

Alex looked down and smiled sheepishly. "Yes. I definitely thought so at the time."

"See. And you were right. And I lost you for the best part of a year because of it."

"I know, but that was mainly my fault not yours," he said looking into my eyes.