A New Year's Kiss (BoyxBoy)

Epilogue - Part 1

Five Years Later - New Years Eve

Jay

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

I sang along to the song on the truck's radio, splitting off to sing the harmony.

It had taken me quite a while to be able to listen to this again. It reminded me so much of Alex.

It was the song I remember being on the radio the day Mr Finley picked us up on New Year's Eve. The night we got together.

And so had started the best year of my life. We spent a year blissfully happy together. And then real life had kicked in. For Alex that meant going off to University, and for me it meant finally getting a job to give me some sort of financial stability.

Of course Alex had to go and get accepted into one of the best universities in the country, down in London. Whereas I, having overheard Mr & Mrs Finley talking about downsizing into a bungalow, knew that I needed to leave so as not to overstay my welcome.

That gave me no other option but to move in with my Dad. In Scotland. A whole 8 hours drive away from Alex.

Sure, we went through the pretense that nothing would change, and that we'd visit each other regularly. But of course life got in the way. I was training as a mechanic, and regularly had to work weekends, and every time I was free, Alex would have some big assignment deadline, meaning he was tied to his computer and the library for days on end.

And then the rows started, Nothing big, but arguements that were born out of the frustration of neither of us having time for each other.

It came to a head about half way into the first year apart. Alex was supposed to come and visit me, but had cancelled at the last minute as he had some social event going on in his halls of residence. Then the next time I was supposed to visit, after Alex had already made it clear that he would have to spend most of the weekend working on an essay, I "accidently" took on some extra shifts.

After a particularly rough day, and another text from Alex to say he was too busy to call, I had my first alcoholic drink for two years. And of course one led to another, and another.

Thankfully I had my dad to drag me back off to the AA meetings, and make sure I didn't spiral like last time. And for the most part it worked, but every time I had a row with Alex, or he changed our plans, I turned to drink.

It wasn't working. I knew that, and he knew that. But I don't think either of us would have done anything about it, if it wasn't for the drinking.

I think Alex suspected I might have been drinking, but I always hid it from him. I was ashamed. Every time I woke up with a hangover I felt like I had let him down. I felt as though I was taking a step closer to getting back into my car and driving over him again. And that thought terrified me.

So I knew I had to put an end to it.

Alex was supposed to be coming to see me for my birthday, but the day before, I got the phone call. I think the fact that I was expecting the call gave me the courage I needed to finally do it.