A New Year's Kiss (BoyxBoy)

19. I Am Nothing Like You

Jay

I woke up with a pounding headache, and my mouth was as dry as Ghandi's flip flop.

I stumbled out of bed and headed towards the kitchen. As I entered the lounge I suddenly froze. Was Alex here last night?

I delved into my fuzzy cotton wool filled head to try to remember what happened last night.

That's right, I thought I saw Alex on the couch. I suddenly remembered why I never touched weed. It gave me hallucinations. Oh, well, I'd just have to rely on beer for my buzz.

Speaking of which, I'm sure one now would sort out this headache. I made my way over to the fridge.

I made it through another few days without any weed but then I had one of those days that just seemed to get worse every hour.

First my dad rang me asking how I was. How ridiculous was that?!

"I'm worried about you son" he said.

"It's a bit late for that" I retorted.

"Maybe it is, but that doesn't mean I can't help you now."

My whole body felt tense, and I was gripping my phone so tightly that my hand had turned white.

"Do you remember what it was like dad?" I asked, not waiting for an answer, "It was shit. I used to dread hearing the door go when you got home. I used to pretend to be asleep, because I was scared. Yes dad, I was scared of you. Because when you'd been drinking you were like a ticking time bomb, and me and mum, we were just waiting for the next explosion."

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

I carried on.

"And I know you've changed, and your better and blah blah blah, but you will always be that same man to me. The one who was more interested in beer than his own son, the man who walked out and left because he couldn't take being part of our family anymore. The man who took my mum dying to decide to get in touch again. No dad, sorry. You can't just waltz back into my life and expect me to be happy about it."

I was rather proud of my speech, and I hoped it would make my dad feel guilty, but it didn't show in his voice.

"Just answer me this Jay" he said, "have you had a drink this morning?"

I froze. It was 10am and I had already opened my second can. But my dad didn't need to know that.

"No, of course I haven't," I replied.

My dad laughed. "You paused Jay. You always pause before you lie."

I felt my blood start to boil, "Don't talk shit dad!" I shouted. "How would you know what I do before I lie? It's been SEVEN YEARS dad! Seven fucking long years. You don't know shit about me!"

"Of course I know you" my dad said, his tone getting more and more impatient. "You're my son. It's like looking into a bloody mirror. I was just like you at ....."

"Don't you fucking dare!" I shouted. "I AM NOTHING LIKE YOU AND I NEVER WILL BE!"

I ended the call. I hate mobiles. You can't slam them down like a telephone. I grabbed the nearest thing to me and hurled it at the wall to vent my frustration. It was a plate and it hit the wall with a loud crack, shattering into about a dozen pieces.

The noise of the plate smashing was like a slap across the face. I jolted as the scene gave me flashbacks to my childhood. Flashbacks to the endless number of plates that my dad had hurled against the wall.