A New Year's Kiss (BoyxBoy)

38. The Guilt I Feel

Alex

Even though it was Jay who had just bared all to my friends, for some reason I felt like I was the one being judged.

Once Jay had walked off to the bar (coward!), I was left to face the looks on my five friend's faces. The looks varied from shock, slight amusement to disgust.

It was Sophie who was the first to speak, "What the hell Alex!"

Her look I would describe as confused, maybe a little annoyed, but then again, she always looked annoyed with me.

"What?" I answered shrugging my shoulders and sitting down.

"That guy almost killed you," Adam said, "I didn't know you back then, but even I heard the story round campus. Why isn't he in prison?"

I was a little shocked that it was Adam speaking out, as he hadn't really spoken much at all tonight. And yet looking around, he looked the most appalled by what Jay had said.

I didn't really want to answer his question so I said, "Look, does it matter? If I've forgiven him then there's no reason why you lot shouldn't."

Alexis clearly wasn't happy with my answer as a frown fell over her face. Up until now, she hadn't really reacted so I didn't know where she stood. Alexis was one of the nicest people you could meet. She always looked on the bright side of things, and always had nice things to say about people. If anyone would be understanding, I thought it would be her.

"I know this happened to you Alex, but don't think it didn't have an impact on us too. You will never know what it was like for us to sit there at your bedside, while you were hooked up to those god awful machines, not knowing if that was the last time we were going to see you."

I could see the hurt in her eyes, and I quickly looked away feeling bad. I guess I didn't really think about how it affected others. I was too busy thinking about how it had affected me.

"Just because you've forgiven him, doesn't mean we have to," Adam spat out, still looking like he was ready to fight someone.

I began to get nervous. Perhaps I had read this all wrong. The last thing I wanted was for Jay to come back to this, and probably much worse.

I quickly stood up. "Look, I'm sorry guys, I er, I didn't think. I'll go and get Jay and go home."

"Wait on!" shouted Danny. "Shame on you guys," he said, addressing the rest of the table. "I'm not saying forgiving Jay is the right thing to do, but the least we can do is reserve judgement till we know the whole picture. I for one, would be happy to get to know Jay better and then I can form my own opinion of him."

"You mean in the sack?" Sophie said with a smirk, making everyone else smile too.

"No, that's not what I'm saying, although now you mention it..."

I smacked him hard across the shoulder.

"Hey, I was defending you, if you hadn't noticed."

I gave him a sarcastic smile before turning to Alexis.

"Do you want me to take Jay home, because I really don't want to upset you."

"No, it's fine. I was more mad with your flippant comment, than I was with Jay being here. Hey, it might even make for a more interesting evening having him here."

I felt myself starting to relax a little. Which was fortunate because that was when Jay returned with the drinks.

He looked around the table apprehensively.