A New Year's Kiss (BoyxBoy)

36. Never Ask Me To Choose

Alex

I didn't drink much at all on Saturday. I had a feeling that if I had got drunk, I would have called Jay and said something I'd regret.

So Sunday I was up early enough to shower and dress before Jay arrived, and just like that it became another typical Sunday hang out.

Except me disappearing for the evening seemed to open up my social life as a topic for discussion.

"So who were you out with last night? Anyone I know?" Jay asked while we were in the middle of another zombie battle.

"Ermm, I don't think so," I replied. "It was Alexis's birthday, so there were about 8 people there from college and a whole bunch of others who I didn't know."

Jay nodded and carried on with the game. I thought that was it but a short while later he said, "Was Kyle there?"

The question caught me by surprise and I managed to get eaten by a zombie.

"Damn it!" I said before starting my final life. "No he wasn't."

Again he was quiet for a bit, but this time I was expecting another question. I could almost feel it burning inside his head.

"Alex, can I ask you something?"

There it is!

"You don't need to tell me if you don't want, but can I ask what happened with Kyle? You two seemed really solid."

I kept my gaze focussed on the zombie battle on the screen in front of me.

"There's not much to tell," I replied. "We just sort of drifted apart while I was in hospital."

Jay was silent, so I quickly stole a glance at him. He was frowning, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

"I'm sorry," Jay eventually said quietly.

"Why would you be, it's not your fault." I said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Why did people always say they were sorry when someone else got bad news. I always found that weird.

"Well, it kinda is my fault." Jay said and I quickly looked over at him.

I hadn't thought about it like that. I'd never once blamed Jay for what happened between me and Kyle, and it tugged at my heart a little to see Jay looking so concerned.

"Don't be a dick, of course it's not your fault." I said. I knew I was going to have to say more to put him mind at rest so I gave him a bit more. "When I was in hospital, do you know how many times he came to visit me?" It was rhetorical so I didn't wait for a response. "Once! One measly little time, and even then he apparently only stayed for about 5 minutes!"

"Why?" Jay asked looking confused.

I shrugged. "The only reason he gave me was that he didn't like hospitals. I mean who actually does like hospitals! I know you hate them but you still came to see me."

Jay had long since died at the hands of the zombies and was giving me his full attention. "So you broke up with him because he didn't visit you?" Jay asked.

I finally got my head bitten off so I put my controller down and looked at him. His expression looked confused, like he was trying to figure out if what I had told him was the truth. I wasn't going to tell him the whole truth, but I knew I'd have to say something more, just to convince him.

"I have to admit, it kind of hurt that he didn't visit, especially when I was awake. And then I guess I couldn't forget that so whenever I saw him again, we just ended up arguing about stupid stuff. You know how I was when I was in pain, and he just seemed to wind me up all the time, so I would say hurtful things to him." I shrugged as though it wasn't a big deal. "I guess some things are just not meant to be."