A New Year's Kiss (BoyxBoy)

25. The Devil's Juice

Jay

The next day I really felt like shit. I mean physically, not mentally. In a way it was good. The withdrawal was proving a great distraction for what was going on in my head.

It didn't help that I hadn't slept properly since the incident. I would lie in bed awake for hours, and then when I finally did fall asleep I would have nightmares. They all involved Alex dieing and I always woke up covered in sweat gasping for breath.

I managed to chomp down some cereal although I was sure at one point that it was going to come right back up. And then I decided to run.

Yes, as crazy as it sounds, despite me feeling like I was going to collapse at any second, all I wanted to do was run.

So for the next hour I just ran aimlessly around town, avoiding any busy streets and keeping my eyes focussed on the road ahead.

I felt everything burning. My throat, my lungs, my legs, even my eyes stung and every cell in my body was screaming at me to stop. So I did. I stopped and perched myself on a large rock and put my head between my legs in an attempt to stop me from passing out.

What was I doing? Was this really what my life had become? Before I could stop it, I felt my body convulsing and huge sobs taking over. I slipped off the rock and sat on the floor, bringing my knees up to my chin and burying my face in my arms.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I quickly looked up in surprise.

"Are you alright love?" came a voice that sounded vaguely familiar.

It took my eyes a couple of seconds to focus. It was the nurse from yesterday. The one that took me to Alex.

I quickly wiped the tears from my face, although I was sure she would still be able to tell I had been crying.

"I'm fine, thanks" I said, then realising it was glaringly obvious this was not the case I added, "it's just been a tough few days."

"I'm on my lunch break now. Would you care to join me?" she asked.

She obviously sensed my hesitation. "The hospital cafe has surprisingly good coffee and I don't like to sit in there on my own so you'll be doing me a favour."

I quickly looked around me and realised I was right outside the hospital again. Why did my legs keep bringing me here?

"Ok," I said and slowly stood up. I felt a bit dizzy and the nurse noticed and steadied me by grabbing hold of my arm.

"Hey, you're not ok are you?" she said in a gentle voice.

I smiled at her, in a vain attempt to reassure her. "I'm ok, I think I've just run too far today."

"Come on then" she said, gesturing towards the hospital, "some food will do you good."

As I followed her into the hospital it suddenly dawned on me that I didn't have any money on me. Well this could be awkward! I decided I would try convincing her I just needed a drink so as not to cost her too much.

I followed her through the main door, making sure I kept my head down just in case it was the same lady on reception again. Even though I had an invite this time, and wasn't planning on seeing Alex, I still felt as though I was doing something wrong. It was the same kind of feeling as when you slipped out of school to bunk off for the day.

We walked into what was actually a rather nice looking cafe. I frowned in confusion. The nurse looked at my face and chuckled. It was a deep chuckle that seemed to start from deep within her belly.