A New Year's Kiss (BoyxBoy)

31. Matters of the Heart

Alex

The weekend really dragged. But everyday dragged so the weekend shouldn't have been any different. But it was. I was just incredibly restless and irritable. Even my mum had made an excuse to leave just an hour into her visit.

I didn't blame her. Hell, even I didn't want to be around me. Have you ever wished you could just turn your mind off, or be someone else for a little bit, just to give yourself a break.

I felt angry all the time. Every little thing wound me up. Like when they gave me a tiny teaspoon to eat my sponge and custard, and so I hurled it back at the orderly. Poor woman. Who does that?

And things like this made me hate myself. To the point where I wanted to smack myself across the face. I think that's partly the reason I was so nasty to people. I wanted them to bite back. I wanted them to tell me I was being a selfish, arrogant bastard. But they never did. Probably because I was the poor guy who'd been nearly killed by his friend.

Ex friend.

I almost wished Jay was here. He would tell me what a dick I was being.

But then I had a right to be like that with him. He would deserve it.

What Leila had said about Jay had been eating away at my mind all weekend. I think that made the weekend drag more than usual, because Leila wasn't here to answer any of my questions.

And I was genuinely annoyed at that. How come she was allowed 2 days away from this hospital even though I wasn't? She got to go home to her family every night - wasn't that enough?

Of course I knew these thoughts were crazy, but I still couldn't help feeling that way.

I had a list of things I wanted to ask her about Jay. Like how many times did he visit? And what did he tell her about that night?

I could have asked my mum these questions, but I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. She practically forced Jay on me once, and I didn't want that happening again. I didn't want to see Jay, I just wanted to know what had been going on while I was out of it.

It's really weird to wake up and find that you've slept through a significant time period. It doesn't seem right that everyone around you experienced and lived through this time, but it was like you didn't. It felt like I'd died and was brought back to life again.

When Monday finally came, I didn't question Leila straight away. For starters I didn't want her to think I was too eager to talk about Jay, and also, she was usually quite busy in a morning, but would usually find time in the afternoon to sit with me for a while.

When that moment finally arrived, only a few minutes into our conversation, I realised I was going to struggle to lead into the topic of Jay so I had no option but to just ask the question.

"Leila, can I ask you something?" I said. Without waiting for a response I continued. "Can you tell me how many times Jay came to visit. I'm just asking because it seemed the other day that you knew him quite well."

Leila smiled. "Jay would come every day. 7 o'clock on the dot."

I was not expecting that answer!

"And was my mum ok with that?" I asked.

"Not at first, but she eventually saw that.......that it wasn't in anyone's best interests to keep him away."

I frowned at her answer. It sounded like she was avoiding saying what she really thought.

"And what did Jay do when he came to visit? It's not like he could have a conversation with me."

Leilas chuckled quietly. "He did what everyone does when they visit a loved one who's in a coma. He talked to you. He held your hand. He shared with you good memories from the past, and he talked about the future."