Chapter Seventeen

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"The heart is a place of secrets..."
                           -Naguib Mahfouz

RUKKAYYA

<Duties and sacred ties>


UNEDITED

It didn't rain that night but It was extremely cold

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It didn't rain that night but It was extremely cold. I had no way of knowing how others felt but I knew its intensity was only aimed at me.

I had worried, panicked, waited all alone for my husband to come home. When he walked in to the door, relieve surged through me like fresh waves through an ocean.

Only when he spoke, it felt like a slap on my face. I tried so hard to convince myself otherwise but I couldn't shake how I felt. He walked out on me living me rooted to where I was standing. I shouldn't have been bothered, we weren't like other normal couples. Fate had forced us to become one or rather be perceived as one by the whole world. There was a world of a difference between two.

I tried to stop over thinking the whole thing. It shouldn't have been a big deal. He had had a long day, most likely stressful, so that explained the closed off behavior. On the other hand I couldn't help over thinking the whole thing. And for once I couldn't do the one thing he had asked.  My appetite had been assassinated by his unusually lateness. How did I even know what was unusual?  It had only been some weeks.

My worries had only lasted the night. Ya Ahmad was his usual - well my idea of his usual - self in the morning. He was chatty, cheerful and very polite. I, on the other hand wasn't as chatty. I didn't like that I was gloomy but the closed off side of him scared me.

"You skipped dinner last night," he spoke looking directly at me. I felt like a criminal under awaiting my verdict.

My throat suddenly felt dry. I took a sip of water before I responded. Although it wasn't exactly a question.

"I lost my appetite."

"Was it because of me?"

I wished I could tell him everything I was feeling but that would only make me look like a fool so I refrained from doing so.
I shook my head.

"I'm sorry I got home late and made you worry!"

There, he apologized which should have made me feel better but it didn't. I only felt bad which was a dangerous feeling in that case.

"You don't owe me an apology. I understand that you were working. I...I just..well I didn't know you had some place else to be. I wouldn't have bothered you with the calls."

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