Vague Love

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: At The Hospital

At The Hospital

        My heart beats faster. My sweat gets cold and my knees are shaking. I don't want what I'm feeling right now but I feel worried. Yes, I'm worrying what might the Doctor will said. I'm worried.

       Sigh.
       Breathe in.
       Breathe out.

       We entered in the office of Doc Leonard. Well, I pushed Benedict to get inside. He's having a tantrums though.

       "Hi! You're here." Doc Leonard said as he turned his look at me and he smiled.

       I smiled back. "Yes."

       "Yes, of course we're here. As you can see, we're standing in front of your door." Benedict said.

       "Oh, I'm sorry. Please sit down." Doc Leonard said.

       I sat on the chair in front of his desk. Then, Benedict sat in front of me.

       "If you'll excuse us, would it be okay if it is only between me and Miss Lopez?" Doc Leonard said to Benedict.

       "But, why?" He said.

        "I think the patient has the right to choose if she want it to be in public or should she keep it confidential." The Doctor said.

        He sighed.

        "Fine. I'll wait you outside." He said to me.

        "Okay." I just said to him. Then, I turned my look to Doc Leonard. "I'm ready."

        "Alright. So, here it is." He looked at me one more time then he sighed. "At your early age, the symptoms has been establish. Any day, or months or years, your memory will fade, unexpectedly." He said while seriously looking at me.

        I suddenly feel numb. I look at him seriously. My mind is not working. I can't find a word to say. I was just looking at him. I can't speak.

        "In the early stages, it only provokes minor symptoms such difficulties of finding the right words, and remembering of recent events. But, as time goes by, it leads to a total loss of the patient’s autonomy: incapacity to remember and recognize people, objects, places etc." He continue.

       Ha! I feel like I was standing in the middle of the ocean, no one to reach out, no one to hold on.

        "For now, we can't do anything aside from the monitoring of your condition. But, be sure to follow all your prescription. So, don't worry. Proper medication and you'll get well soon, hopefully." He said.

        I sighed.
        Breathe in.
        Breathe out.
       
        I feel my heart stops on beating for awhile. I don't know. But, yes, I suddenly feel numb at the moment.

        I seriously looking at him.

        "Is that all?" I asked him.

        "Yes." He said. I can sense sympathy on him. I can see concern on his eyes.

         "Okay. I'll go now. Thanks!" I just said and I stand up. I walk to the door and hold the doorknob. Then he called my name.

         "Hannah." He said.

          I stopped and sigh.

          "Yes?"I just said without looking back.

          "If you need help, you can count on me. I'm only here." He said. "And, if ever you want a place to recover, you can come here anytime. We have Childhouse near the hospital building. Maybe there, your memory will recover, if you will teach the kids. Here's my contact number. Just call me." He said.

          I turned my look back at him and I smiled while suppressing the tears on my right eye to fall down. Then I get the calling card he give.

          "Thank you! Bye!" I just said.

           "Bye. Take care." He said.

           I just nod and turned my look back at the door and opened it. I saw Benedict is leaning on the wall in front of this office. I saw his serious face suddenly brightened upon seeing me.

           "How was it?" He said.

            "It's okay." I said.

            "What was he said?" He asked.

            "Nothing." I just said and started to walk.

             "What nothing? Is there any advise? Or any?" He keeps on asking.

            "I'm fine. There's no need to worry. I just need to rest. That's all." I said to him.

            "You sure?" He said again.

             "Yes. So, let's go home. I want to go home now." I said.

            "Alright." He said. 

          How should I react? My mind, body and soul are gritting in irritation. I don't know why do I need to feel this. I don't know why this hell thing is happening to me. Ha! Funny! Bitterness run down through my veins. I don't know why but is it right? Is it right? Is it really right? What have I done? What have I done? I live on my own. I work for my life. Then, why? Lord, why? Do I deserve this? Do I? I trust my fate in YOU, Lord, the creator, the savior, the protector.

         My tears fall down on my right eye. Then I turned my look on the window and let myself to look outside the car.

         "Are you okay?" Benedict said.

         "Yes." I just said without turning my look at him.

          "You sure?" He asked again.

           "Yes. Please, focus on driving." I said.

            "Okay." He said back.

            "BTW, where will I drop you? At your condo or at the Vintage Cafe?" He said.

            "At my condo. I need to rest. And, can you please just advice Millie and Mike to take care the Vintage Cafe while I'm not there? I think I will not go there today. I need to rest for awhile. Thanks, Benedict!" I said.

           "Yeah, sure." He just said. "But, Hannah, are you sure you're okay?"

           "Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I do fine. I really do." I just said and a tear fell down again on my right eye.

            Sometimes, things happens unexpectedly. Yes, unexpectedly.

            I sighed.