At The Hospital
My head is still hurts. I felt like I was swayed by someone for hundred times. I felt like I was barged in into a hard wall. I felt like I got hit by a ten-wheeler truck. I felt like I was just smacked by someone on the head. I felt like I got punched in the face a hundred times. I felt like-Whew! Then, I slowly opened my eyes. I looked around. And, all I can see is white and green. White wall paints and white tiled floors. And, green curtains.
The door is suddenly open. Those two faces that are familiar to me entered. I see. They are here.
"Hi! How are you?" Benedict said.
"Are you feeling alright now?" Derrick said.
They are looking at me with concern on their eyes. They are standing near the bed.
I just nod at them.
The door opens again and the Doctor came in.
"Hi! How are you? Are you feeling alright now?" He said.
I look at him. And this is-
"Doc Leonard Delo, just in case you forgot." He said then he smiled at me and extended his hand to me.
"Hi! Doc Leonard!" I said at him and I accepted his hand then I smiled at him.
Then, I heard Derrick's cough.
We all look at his direction.
"My throat got itch, sorry." He just said and shrugged.
"So, what's the diagnose Doc?" Derrick said.
"Hannah fainted twice. Is there any health issue on that?" Benedict said.
Doc Leonard turned his look at me.
"I see. You did not tell it to anyone." He said.
I bowed my head.
"What is it?" Derrick and Benedict both said.
And, I sighed.
Then, I turned up my look back to them.
I heard Doctor Leonard sighed.
"Here it is." He said.
"It is okay, Doc. I'm fine. I can handle it on my own." I said to him.
"No, you're not fine. Did you ever see your face in the mirror? You are pale. You have eye bags. And, you lose weight. You can't handle it on your own. And besides, you're living alone as what you said, you need someone to take good care of you. You need help, Hannah. You need it." Doc Leonard said.
Derrick and Benedict was just listening.
Doc Leonard turned to them and explained everything.
"Hannah will be soon suffering from memory loss. Memory loss, which means, she will never remember anything, everything, anyone. As of now, she already experience it gradually. She can't live on her own. Soonest, she will loss her memory." He said.
My tears fell down from my eyes.
Derrick's sighed. Same with Benedict.
"I see. So, that was the reason." Derrick said. "And, you didn't even bother to tell it to me, Hannah?" Derrick said aloud at me. "I've been with you for years, then this critical thing, this-!"
"Calm down, Derrick." Benedict said. Then he turned back to Doc Leonard. "Thank you, Doc! Thank you for explaining it to us."
"You're welcome. That's our obligation." Doc Leonard Delo. "I'll go now for now. Drink your medicine, Hannah. It will somehow help your illness to get cured, hopefully."
I looked at him and smiled.
"Thank you, Doc!" I said.
"And, you can call me anytime you want. Get well soon!" He said.
I just nod at him.
Then, he left the three of us on this room. My eyes followed him until he reach the door and leave.
"So, you don't have any plans to say it to us? Right?" Benedict said.
I turned my look back to them.
"It is not what you think. I just don't know what should I need to do." I just said.
I heard Derrick's sighed. Then, he walked through the wall near the door and leaned on it.
"Okay. So, what are your plans now?" He said.
Then, Benedict looked at me.
I shrugged.
"Please leave." I said to them and I turned my back at them.
I heard them sighed. Then, I heard the door closed.
I turned my look back and there, they left. I sit from lying on this bed. I place the pillow on the headrest of the bed and let my head to lean on it.
Though, I suddenly feel there is hope because now I know that there is somebody out there that I can count on, still, I feel bothered. Yes, I somehow felt so thankful upon seeing or knowing that they are here. They are here for me. And, even though I have somebody to count on, that was not enough for me on not to feel bothered. Yes, I feel bothered. And, I somehow feel incompetent. To think that, I'm hoping for their help. I feel useless. I feel worthless. Yes, I somehow feel nothing. My tears run down through my eyes. I silently cried. But, I've finally made up my mind. I've finally come out into a decision. Yes, I knew now. I know now what should I need to do. I know now what should be the right thing to do. I know now. Yes, I know now. And, it is the right thing. It is.
I sighed.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
I look around. I let my eyes to look around, look around this room. I feel like I was shrunk. I feel like I was compressed. I feel like I was push to the darkest part. I feel like I was.... I sighed.
I somehow felt hopeful yet hopeless. I am now hanging into a decision of will or will not? Yes, I am now tied in between. In between of hope and hopeless. In between of life and death. In between.
I sighed.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
My life as of now is like a blank page. Yes, and I don't know on what will happen, what soon to be happen. And it made me feel frustrated. Hopeless and frustrated. Helpless and alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.
Useless. Worthless.
I sighed.
I need a break. Yes, I just need a break. I need it. I need it badly.
