Author: @swiftlyinlurv
Story: Vendetta
Target Readers: 17+
Another vampire story was lined up to our list. I actually, am starting to wonder if this is a destiny or call. 🤔😂 asa si dcmuch. Hindi ko pa kayang magsulat ng ganitong genre.Short summarize of the story. Annistyn Navarri is up for her grudge against the person who killed her parents. Her only clue is the tattoo. And that is her major reason why she enrolled on La Luna Academy. In the middle of her investigation together with her friend Kali, and some of the new friends she met on the campus. A lot of revelation broke her belief (Stronghold).
Questions:
A. Sino ang totoong pumatay sa magulang ni Anni?
B. Sino si Athan Veredine?
C. Anong nakapaloob sa pagkatao ni Clairebell?
D. Sa paanong paraan naging vampire si Anni?
E.Ano ang dahilan ng pagpatay sa magulang ni Anni?Anyway, I just listed all my curiosity since my focus is on your plot. I'll randomly roll down all my observations. Whether, technical or under the plot so I hope you can understand me, and if there's any confusion please leave a comment on that specific line. And as much as possible tag me so I will be notified.
1. Introduction
I know you purposely hide the description of the lady beside the protagonist but I'm a bit awkward while reading it.
Why?
The protagonist thoughts confused me and how her mood lifted up. She is obviously bluffing against the lady, and unfortunately, she can't justify her burst of emotion. Para sa akin wala akong makitang dahilan para magalit siya sa babae, it is not enough to say HINDI SIYA MAGALING UMARTE. Show us the setting; how the lady acts, her facial reaction, she makes up (if necessary) so at least we can acknowledge where her reasons came from.
Second. ang kinaiinisan ba niya ay ang nagsalita ng (uh good morning) medyo magulo kasi ang pasok ng eksena. Hindi sinabi kung siya ang nagsalita o hindi, hindi rin pinangalanan. Kulang sa dialogue tag/action tag. If this is part of mystery, at least describe her dress that something would remind us that that was the lady she dislike. Puro kasi sila babae roon, nahirapan akong alamin. See the below Screen shot.