Fix A Heart

What About Us?

We are searchlights, we can see in the dark
We are rockets, pointed up at the stars
We are billions of beautiful hearts
And you sold us down the river too far

The days following the miscarriage were some of the hardest days of the couple's life. Maks and Peta ended up keeping Bella just so Sharna and Val could have some time to begin to digest what had occurred. They knew it would never be enough time but they felt they deserved some. Val had been pretty quiet mostly the days following. He wasn't sure what to do or how to assist his wife. He just knew he felt this insane emptiness inside and couldn't imagine what she was feeling as well. Let alone the fact that he knew she was most likely blaming herself. Sharna was closed off for the most part; she went from not speaking to sobbing to being extremely angry. Val tried being there for her, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Some days he felt like the world was falling apart and it was all he could do to catch it when other times it felt like things were falling into what could be considered okay.

"Shar, princess, it's time to get Bella, are you ready?" Val yelled as he attempted to find his wife. She usually disappeared somewhere in the house during the day but she knew they were supposed to be leaving. He finally found her on the swing, in her pajamas. He felt his heart sink immediately.

"Hey." He said softly attempting to not scare her.

"What?" She said as she jumped slightly.

"Bella, we have to go get her princess." Bella had stayed with her aunt and uncle for a week now. She had done quite well but had started turning into somewhat of a mess, asking for her parents, and not sleeping well. Val and Sharna had talked about it the night before and decided that they were going to go get her that morning.

"I...I'm not coming." Sharna said as she pulled her legs up into her chest and looked away from him.

"Why?" He said sharply thrown off at her decision. He thought she'd be excited to see her baby. For some distraction from this world of dark hurt they were dealing with.

"I...I'm not. That's all." She said again.

"Sharna?"

"What Val? I said no! You can go get her. I'm capable of staying her alone for god sakes."

"Fine. I'll be back in a little bit. I was going to take her for ice cream."

"Whatever, I'll be here." She said flinging her hand at him sending him away. He looked at her for a few moments before he shook his head and backed away. He wasn't certain what to do. He felt like he couldn't push her but at the same time, this wasn't fair to their daughter either. And he wasn't certain how long it was going to last. He decided he'd just go get Bella and then see how things went after that.

"I shouldn't be around her anyways." Sharna whispered as she finally felt her husband leave her presence. Ever since she woke up this morning, she knew she should have been feeling this extreme amount of excitement about seeing her baby but she couldn't help additionally feeling this insane amount of fear. The past week had absolutely been one of the worst of her life. She failed yet another child, she failed her husband, and she failed her family. She was certain that she was undeserving of anyone's love and that anyone was undeserving of hers as well. It would just put a black mark on their soul as well.

Once she heard Val's car leave, she laid down on the swing as tears began to fall again. After she had woken up, she had decided that she wasn't going to do anything with Bella once she was home. She didn't want to ruin her either. She wanted Bella to grow up happy, healthy, and knowing that she was a beautiful young lady. Sharna knew that if she remained in her life, these things wouldn't be the case. She just had to figure out how to remove herself from the picture. Her brain started to spin on everything but for once she didn't stop it. She just let it go. Her sobs and gasps came hard and quick as she laid on the swing. Eventually she fell asleep, exhausted from the process. She was still laying there when Val and Bella returned a few hours later. Bella had fallen asleep on the way home but Val realized he left her elephant at Maks and Peta's which was a huge no in his baby's life.