He's not my Gangster anymore

Chapter 47 - Losing

Im sorry for not updating regularly. I love your patients and understanding. Thank you for that. Lovelots! ❤️

-S

Pareho kaming umiiyak. Hindi sya makatingin sakin ng diretso. Tanging sa puntod lang nila Mama at Papa sya nakatingin.

Pero ako nasa kanya lang ang aking mga mata. It was so torn to see him crying Hoarsely. The first one i saw him like this when i push him away 7 years ago. The second one, when we fight after the event of Oh-here foundation.

And now, he is crying freely. I can feel how hurt is it to him. And im so blame to his pain.

"I'm sorry, Toff. I tried to say this—"

"But you didn't and worst you give me a false hope. Pinaasa mo ako." He cut me off with a deep voice. I felt a sharp knife digging to my heart when his eyes met mine. It's full of anger and pain.

Another set of tears fell to my eyes. "Because i don't get it, Toff. I'm confused!" Hindi ko sinasadyang sumigaw. Kasi hindi lang naman sya ang nasasaktan dito. I also have a questions in my mind.

"But you also confusing me." He said. The anger is evident to his voice.

"Hindi ko alam kung alam mo na ba o nagpapanggap ka lang na hindi mo alam. For pete sake. We're seperated for 7 years, Toff. At nag assume akong alam mo kasi nagkalat yun mga kaibigan natin sa buhay mo."

"Pero bakit hindi mo parin sinabi sakin?!"

"Pero bakit hindi mo alam!?" Matapang kong sagot sa tanong niya.

Natigilan sya. See, i also have a point here!

Tumango ako ng dahan dahan. Habang pinupunasan ang luha.

He was about to say something but i cut him off.

"Because you totally erased me to your world."

Umigting ang kanyang panga. Pumikit sya ng madiin tsaka ako tiningnang muli.

"Kasi you didn't care. Oh, gosh nakakahiya palang nagrereklamo ako sayo ngayon. Kasalanan ko naman nga pala to." Sabay punas muli ng luha. Now i feel ashamed.

Umatras ako ng isang hakbang.

Umiling iling ako. "Don't answer it. That's too obvious. My gad, Cassandra." I said in shameful voice.

"Can you blame me, Cassandra?"

"You are my world. At alam mo yan. Ikaw yun gusto ko noon. Ikaw yun pinili ko. Kahit ano pang desisyon ni Daddy ikaw parin ang gusto ko. Because i see you in my future. Kaya nung pinagtabuyan mo ako. Hindi ko kinaya. Kasi masakit. Fvck. I don't want to say this but you giving me a no choice. That's why, i choose to erase you into my world because it's fvcking hurt to accept that your not mine anymore."

Mas lalo lamang akong naiyak sa sagot niya. Ang tanga ko, ang tanga tanga ko para makawalan pa sya noon. Kahit galit na sya nakukuha parin niyang patibukin ng malakas ang puso ko. Nakakainis!

"And yes, im fvcking selfish bastard to the point na pinagpray kong huwag kang sasaya sa iba."

Nanlaki ang mata ko.

"You heard me right. Ganon ako kaselfish, Cassandra. Kasi ang sakit at mahihirapan akong tanggapin na hindi kita napasaya noong tayo noon kaya iniiwan mo na ako."

"Ayoko ng sabihin pa ito sayo kasi tapos na. Sakin kana muli. At wala na akong balak pang pakawakan ka. Pero baby, masakit.. masakit na malaman na hindi buo.." he stopped. "Hindi buo yun pagmamahal mo. Kasi ako kaya kong higitan yun dati."