Death of the Perfect Girl

43- The Nice Guy

r/niceguys

I'm Not Good Enough For Girls At My School

I feel silly writing this because I'm not this kind of person. I don't go on rants online. I don't even have Facebook or an Instagram account. And it's not because I'm self conscious or anything. I just live in a household where I don't have the time for social media. Not that we're hippies. I'm going into too much detail about myself. Let me tell you why I'm writing this.

I'm writing this because I'm tired of girls at my school looking at me like I'm a problem. I've heard the "nice guys finish last" saying a lot and people say there's a girl out there for every 'nice guy' but I think that's crap. I've been one of the nicest people at my school for years and I've just gone unnoticed.  And when I am noticed, it's just to be made fun of by the boys at my school who get all the attention and by the girls at my school who think I'm weird for liking them. I shouldn't even say them. Because it's not them. It's her.

I'm in love with a girl at my school. And she hates me. She hates it when I look at her because she says I creep her out. She calls me creep along with the rest of her friends. She's not even dating anyone. She just doesn't think I'm good looking enough. She thinks I'm annoying and weird because I do the right thing. I'm a hall monitor at my school and I'm working towards valedictorian. I had strawberry blonde hair and freckles. I'm five seven and I'm only apart of one club. The school's debate team. And somehow these things make me unattractive to not only her but most of the girls at my school. The only girl who ever thought I was good enough was my mother and she's no longer with me. I never even new her.

I'm in the eleventh grade right now and I've had no luck with getting near this girl because her best friend prevents her from being near me. Her best friend is the worst and at times I feel like strangling her. I can never walk past her without her having something to say about me. I don't hate her. I just wish she didn't have to be someone I know. I wish she'd disappear. Maybe then I would have a chance with the girl I like.

I've only been near her once. It was awkward. We shared a lab and she was my partner. She sat next to me. She smelled like flowers. I touched her hand when we were filling a mug with water and she giggled. Back then she didn't even know who I was. We were in the seventh grade. I remember it so clearly because she was the first girl I ever liked. She was and still is perfect. She reminded me of the little mermaid. Her hair was as red as the flowers she smelled like and her smile was so contagious. But the moment we stepped out of that class things changed. She never spoke to me again. Not until she saw me in the hallway when we got to high school.

She smiled at me and I smiled back. I thought she was inviting me over to talk to her but she was teasing me. Her friends were. She called me "Creep" from then on. She said I looked like a rotting strawberry because of my hair, acne and freckles. So, one day, when our school took us to a farm, I picked a bunch of strawberries and dumped them in her bag. The juice soaked her books and her bag turned red. She cried and I felt bad. I was going to tell her that I did it but she teased me again the next day and I couldn't care less. So, everyday for a year I would do things that annoyed her.

One day, I put a strawberry on her chair in our class. She sat on in and it stained her skirt. But she didn't even realize that it was me. That's how little she cared. Besides, she had been bullying so many kids that she probably thought it could be anyone. Another day, I took a mouse from the school basement and put it in her bag. She freaked out and started carrying her books in a plastic bag, but things went back to normal a week after when she got a new bookbag.

I honestly don't know why I was trying to hurt her. She just made me so mad. I liked seeing her vulnerable and unhappy. I wanted her to suffer like I did. So, last year, near the end of the school year, I stole her epipen and put peanuts in her sandwich. I was going to be a hero and get it to her at the right moment. When she got the allergic reaction, I was going to run to her and save her. It was a stupid idea and I was stupid.

She and her friend had gotten in trouble that day because they had hurt another kid so they didn't have time to eat during our lunch break. I sat the entire break waiting for her to come, but she never showed up.

Then, the next day came and she hadn't come to school. I later overheard someone say that she had had an allergic reaction on her way home. She had been eating her sandwich while she was walking home. Her throat swole up and she fell on the sidewalk. No one was with her. She almost died because of me. And now, when I look at her I can't look away. I feel so guilty. I almost killed her because I wanted her to like me. To pay attention to me. I wanted her to see that I was good enough for her. And now I have to stay away from her. Because I almost killed her for love.