Monster: You're my lucky one (OT12) (ENGLISH VERSION)

Chapter 26: The fear of being free

The fear of being free

–Kyungsoo... Kyungsoo said things that made me think– Jongdae has a book in his hands, but his concentration it's not in the reading.

–To all of us, actually.– Minseok admits. He was also pretending that he was reading to avoid an uncomfortable silence.

–I think I'll take into consideration his advice. I... I haven't said what I really feel and I'm afraid that if the time to say good bye comes, I was never honest with your.

–I though you trusted me... It's sad to know it's not like that– Xiumin looks sad, and the other guy shakes his head.

–No... don't misunderstand my words, please... that's not exactly what I want to say.

–So, what do you want to tell me, Jongdae?– his real name pronounced by those lips only provoke two things: being hit because of his jokes... or a really serious moment.

–Even if you forget me, even if you don't remember all the things we did together... I want you to know that... you are special for me. I like you... and I like you very much. Right now I feel like a fool, because I needed to get this point to say what I feel when it's almost over. Anyways, I don't regret that most of my time here I spent it with you... and all the positive memories about this places are related with you.

–You're really like a thunderbolt, Jongdae– Xiumin comments, surprised by the boy, who's making real efforts to open his mind –Even for a second, your lightened my world. This place where we were together made me feel like if the world belonged to us, like if it was dedicated to use. Even if you have to go now, at least I'm lucky, because you showed me all the facets of your personality, and I enjoyed all of them.

Chen smiles. Minseok made a perfect comparison between his powers and their relationship, almost like a poem. Shyly, the younger takes Xiumin hands and, even if they're not so close, he manages to hold hands softly.

–Actually, more like a thunderbolt... I'm just a thunder... Minseok– the older skips a heartbeat. This is the first time that someone says his real name to call him, and he's happy to know that it was Jongdae who did it. –I'm like a thunder... because after the bright light of the thunderbolt, the sound comes later... as my words. You may have been dazzled by the light, but the must important thing came at the end... when it was to late. I... understand if you want to be far away from me, it's going to be less hard if we get used to be apart.

–Jongdae...remember that time here it's different. This is the one and only perfect place where we're aloud to be together... don't waste the one that's left.

Even if you have to leave me, you'll become someone else's light... just let me be with you until all of this ends. I know... that things are going to be different now, but I trust that you won't change your ways towards me, and you'll find a way in which we can feel comfortable.... let's think about this as a new beginning.

–I'm afraid of escaping... I'm so afraid.

Xiumin had seen a lot of Chen's weaknesses. It was not the first time that he admitted he was scared for something, or that he was looking for protection and support. It felt good that their relationship was not changing because of the new circumstances, but now he was afraid too, so afraid.

–Hyung... I'm sorry for being late... I regret that. If just one of each ten jokes that I made were caresses... if I could be more by your side, if I just spend more time in your room... if I just have kissed you more... or sleep closer to you... I regret I didn't... I regret all.

–It's still not too late, stop talking as we have few hours left... if you regret it so much, about not spending enough time with me, something that's not true, do it now, don't you think? Don't waste all that energy complaining. You have done and excellent job taking care of me, even when you joked, you made my days in this place fun days and not boring days. Don't regret about the things you didn't do... just do them now.