The Devil's Trail

28- The real Delilah..

He fell into the chair by the door in what I can only presume was shock. His eyes were wide as he looked at mine, shaking his head and struggling to speak.

"I've been wearing coloured contacts, from the moment we met. My eyes are grey..."

He sits forward before sitting back with a frown, still no words had left his lips.

My brain itself felt a little frazzled at where the hell I was suppose to begin, everything felt manic inside my head and it felt like small soldiers were rushing to build their barracks for some safety.

"It would be easier if I knew where to start.." I muttered before wiping my sweating palms down onto my legs before sucking it up.

Straightening my back, I decided it was time.

"What you know about me is.... My name is Delilah Winters. I'm an urban explorer. What you don't know about me, is that I'm an orphan." I gripped the chain around my neck tightly for strength.

"What you don't know is that my mom conceived me at the age of 18. She was an addict, when I was born, not only was she having withdrawals from cocaine, so was I... I was a new born baby. No bigger than your forearm. New to the world and tainted because of my mother. But by some fucked up mistake, she was allowed to leave hospital with me. My father was there, he didn't do the cocaine, he was trying to be my mom's sponsor, to stop doing it. To start a new life, he thought she had from what I've been told. But it became evident that she was still using when I came out shaking desperate for the shit my mom put in her system." I waited for him to speak but he didn't, he just sat there with his jaw slightly hung open.

"I was classified as a mute until the age of 8. They checked me regularly for problems with my body incase I had hearing impairments, speech impairments but they didn't find anything. Just that I struggled to find my voice and every child was different.  My father worked hard, wanting to take us out of Vegas and to somewhere like South Dakota where I could have access to the outdoors, like he did. My father was English, hence the slight hint in my voice.. I struggled a lot, with pretty much everything. My father was understand, my mother wasn't. It was my gran who introduced me to books. The M stands for Maureen. She had been buying me books all my life. When my father died, my mom blamed me. And life with a overworked dad and a drugged up mom wasn't as bad as a life with a drugged up mom who used to blame her daughter for her father's death, lock her in cupboards and starve her. I used to have seizures at school, I used to steal food. Because my body hurt so much..."

"Then one day. I come home to find a man in the house. Randy was a drunk. He used to beat on my mom constantly, and then turned onto me to provoke my mom. She made out she hated me, but always tried to protect me..." I took a breath as my eyes watered.

I parted his shirt slightly showing him the scar that lined between my breasts. "He liked to use the buckle of his belt.. The first time would be the hardest, I'd scream so much I'd pass out and he would only stop when he's worn out.. But one day his belt caught my skin and the sight of blood just turned him wild. He kept going and going and going and going. Over and over again until I thought I was dying. I wanted to die. What did I do to deserve this kind of life? I was just a child. Locked in cupboards whilst my mom snorted cocaine, whilst she had sex with men for a few dollars to buy that rather than food to put in the cupboards. I hate small spaces because I spent so much time in them."

Looking at his horrified face, I wondered if he was expecting something like this or some special fucking fairytale. "You jabbing your finger against the side of my head made me feel like that child, all over again because that's how Randy would start.. He'd jab me in the head calling me stupid, a freak, that I was a mistake. That nobody would care if I died. But when I hit 14. His attitude changed, he used to say things that made my stomach twist. He wanted me to sit on his lap, he wanted me to wear adult clothes, because special girls wear special clothes... But I wasn't a complete idiot to know what he planned, especially when I heard him talking to his friends about me on the phone. Telling them a pretty girl like me would get a lot of attention and bring in the money to a lot of men. Saying my eyes were the lure."

The sickness hurt my stomach, even now. "One day he told me they were having a party, that his friends would be there, that I would have to grow up and become a special woman tonight.. I guess his plan was to sell me to his friends. So I ran away."

"I became an urban explorer because I had to find somewhere to live, I had to stay in abandoned places to survive. I was 15 years old when I was hit by a car. I wasn't declared missing, but the hospital rang my gran as my next of kin and she collected me. I broke down when I saw the key on her neck. I grabbed it and sobbed my heart out, until she rang the police. But they couldn't find my mom or Randy. My gran put in for custody of me and with the child services records, they granted it. Because my fear and nightmares were so bad, my gran took me back to England. My gran owned a summer home in California, so we only came over in the summer holidays until I was 20..."

"When we both decided to move to California. I wanted to find my mom, after everything... I wanted to ask her why. Why she let that happen to me. I was stronger I had ever been. I am stronger than that petrified 14 year old kid. But I didn't find her. I presume she's dead and Randy, he is long gone. My gran died three years ago. All I'm left with is a stack of books, a key, nightmares and scars..."

I wiped my face. "I began wearing contacts when I hit 18 and even more when I came back to California, worried that I might be seen by Randy. Because his words always stuck in my head.. Eyes are the lure. He was right, because I met Jack one day, without them. I lured him in. I was alone and he was kind, gentle.. Where he went, I went. Which is how I've ended up living back in the place it all began.. Vegas."

"So now you know, why I have nightmares, who M is, why I know what it's like to lose someone and why I know what it's like to lose someone through domestic violence because I have no doubt my mom is dead. He would have killed her in a blind rage because they were always the worst." I stopped speaking, letting the screams in my mind die down as I waited for his reaction. Anything he said would be remembered in my mind forever.

Because I don't do sharing, I don't do weakness anymore!

Zak swallowed and lowered his head, wiping the heels of his palms over his eyes before standing up. He closed the gap between us and took hold of his shirt around my body. Without a word, he began buttoning back up slowly, as tears welled in my eyes.

This was the moment I knew he had lost interest in me, my fucked up past and the ruined body. This was his distaste and repulsion coming through.

He did the last button and lifted up my chin to look up at him. His knuckles brushed away the tears before he took hold of my head and kissed my forehead gently. Then he gave me a hug and whether he was going to push me away or be there, I didn't care. Because as soon as he held me, I clung to him as if I was drowning.

"I'm sorry I pushed you into this. For causing you pain." He whispered into my ear before grabbing the back of my thighs and lifting me up into his waist.

I felt him move and saw the bed over his shoulder as he sat down on it. But he didn't make any effort to let me go, so I held on. Shedding a few tears until I felt heavy, the world tilted slightly before I passed out with exhaustion.

[28]

Zak held her in his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist tightly as she cried gently into his shoulder. He also felt her legs weaken and her breathing slow down a remarkable rate. It was only when she was silent that he realised she had fallen asleep.

After an hour of rubbing her back and playing with her hair, Zak moved slowly and led her on the bed. He went to move away when a whimper sounded and he almost led on her as he climbed over and pulled her against him quickly causing her to relax again. She sought out his body in the dark and moved over until she was draped across his chest, her head in his rib cage leaving him to sleep on his back for the night.

Propping up his head with pillows, he looked down at her and traced her features with his finger. From her hairline right to the top of her chin, memorising the dip of her nose, her  eyebrows, her lashes, her cheekbones, her lips and even the curve of her ear.

He still felt like he had a hundred questions to ask her. Like he had only scratched the surface with her. But his main question, was how she turned out the way she did after the abuse and loss she went through, how did she become the woman that's cared and helped him over the last few days?

He sighed and spoke softly, not wanting to rouse her from her sleep.

"I'm stuck in a sea of wonder with you.."