The Devil's Trail

29- Wild one.

I left before he woke. Slipping out his room as if we had been up all night having sex. The wobble in my step not helping my look as I made my way back to my room in his shirt too.

Truth was, and the main reason I was sneaking off, was simple. I didn't want the pity, nor did I want to deal with whatever he had to say. Last night I had stunned him into silence, but I had no doubt that he would have questions now and I didn't want to answer them. Any of them.

I locked myself into my room after sticking a do not disturb on the door. Before stripping off and taking a hot shower, well what the motel considered hot.

Washing myself back to normality, or a sense of it, I got out and looked in the mirror. My reflection looked back at me, my eyes looked sore and I looked dragged down by the world. It usually came after a meltdown...

Grabbing my make up bag, I emptied it on the side and took a breath before getting started.

Everyone was entitled to a meltdown, just a moment of pure upset and hate, people would cry, get drunk, scream, attack items like walls, dry walls, doors. I was a crier.

Today I would feel a little worse for wear until I got food into my system and placed myself back behind the barracks of my mind. Where nothing could get to me...

+++

The afternoon was buzzing, despite the crew being out until dawn this morning, Billy, Aaron and Jay had stayed up, and Dakota like me had only just made peace with the fact morning had come quickly and flew by leaving us both out of sorts. 

The men had gone out to have breakfast and I had settled for a vending machine snack because I didn't have the energy to sit there deal with anything or anyone.

I was tired and when I was tired, I was cranky.

"Healthy start." Zak spoke looking to the snack I had in my hands, as he left his room, his bag on his back. I was sat on the hood of his truck looking across the road that sat opposite, eating peanut M&Ms. "Where is the crew?"

"Gone for food."

"And you didn't go with them? For something more substantial?" He asks coming to stop in front of me as I looked down at the packet in my hands.

"Are you going to judge me on everything today?" I ask.

"No, I just wanted to know, that's all."

I lift my head back up and shrug. "I just... Never mind."

He frowned at my response and looked around us. "How are you feeling, today? After last night."

"Everything is fine."

"Clearly it's not. Is it?" He pushes.

I grit my teeth "Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop pushing me into talking. I did enough last night, my head feels like a swarm of bees, okay? Stop prodding that nest."

"I want to help." He comes back.

"Well I don't need your help, or your pity. So just forget I said anything!" I snap.

The sunglasses are taken off my face by his hand causing me to scrunch up my eyes at the light. "What the fuck, Zak?"

"Why are you wearing them?" He asks.