letters to hazel

twenty five

I think I had not realized how big of a deal it was for a picture of Harry and I to be in the media. To me, it was nothing. I didn't mind it at all because I knew it was my business and no one else really knew the situation but me. Everyone else seemed to care a lot, the moms I talked to even were asking me about it and I had no idea how to answer. They seemed supportive yet gossipy and I knew it wasn't worth spilling tea over.

If they wanted to know anything about Harry and I, all they needed to know was in my book.

Besides, it wasn't the main concern of my day. Harry was going to come over today to talk about the co-parenting situation and I was nervous yet excited. I was more worried about having a plan than being photographed with Harry. I had printed out all of my plans and had plenty of questions ready to ask Harry. I was prepared to be hard on him if I needed to be because I knew it was for the sake of my daughter.

Harry and I were going to meet at a Starbucks near my house but we had decided not to cause any more public frenzy. I still had to make a stop into Starbucks though and get my coffee for the day. Having caffeine in my body would make me a lot more calm when I needed to be talking to Harry about something so serious.

"You're Hazel?", a man said, getting oddly close to me and I nodded, "Loved your book."

He smiled longingly at me and I started to memorize the details of his face. He had long, thin white hair that reached his shoulder and mustache that matched the same color. He had the darkest brown eyes and he was wearing all black clothing.

"Thank you!", I said and picked up my drink before beginning the walk out of the Starbucks. I had decided not to walk to my car though and stop once I realized the man was following me. I didn't want him to know what my actual car looked like.

"Seriously, I think it is the most interesting true crime case the world has had in a very long time", he continued, " Like some people are obsessed with Jon Benet, some people are obsessed with Zodiac or Manson. I'm obsessed with you and Harry."

"Not something you say to the person involved in it", I told him with a look of disgust on my face. Our case was nothing like the ones he had mentioned before mine. People had actually died in the other cases and it was not fair to be compared to them. There was a lot of people that felt this way and I knew that, I just had never had someone say these things to my face. Not even at the book signings.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry" he profusely apologized, "Didn't mean to scare you or make you uncomfortable. Just starstruck is all. I'm John."

"I gotta go", I finally interrupted him, gesturing to the parking lot. I was extremely uncomfortable by the situation and I had no idea how to handle it with force and asserting myself.

"Yeah of course, sorry to hold you up. It was nice to meet you", the man said, again standing there and staring at me for a second before walking back into the Starbucks. As soon as he was inside, I walked quickly to my car and tried to figure out a way that I would be able to drive away without the man seeing me.

On the ride home, I could barely focus on anything. My mind running a mile a minute. This was the first experience I had with someone who considered themselves a fan of mine, that made me feel uncomfortable. It was more than just that though, I was scared. I was scared because I had so much to live for now more than ever and I had so much to lose by someone acting like this around me. His face and body language stuck out in my mind and it stayed there. The image of him trying to shake my hand after introducing himself.

"Harry", I said into the phone, I had to be on the phone with someone right now and he was the only person I could think of to calm me. He was also the only person I knew that lived really close to my house.

"Yes, love?", Harry's voice was groggy like I had woken him up by calling him.

"There was this really creepy guy at Starbucks and I'm scared to be home alone right now", I explained, "Can you please meet me at my house?"

"Yeah of course", he sounded worried and alarmed for me, "I can be there in 5 minutes."

"Text me when you get there", I said and we said our goodbyes.

In a way, I felt like I was overreacting. How likely was it that this guy was going to do anything? It was just that I had never experienced something that before. He was so close to me and the look in his eyes. I will never forget the look in his eyes, and the amount of eye contact he kept trying to make that I never maintained. I had began to just drive aimlessly around my neighborhood, I was blocks away from my house but I knew I couldn't go home until Harry was there to meet me.

Harry: Here.

He had even sent a picture of him at my house, right in front of the door. I began speeding home at that point because I knew that I would be fine and able to relax as soon as I was with another person.

"You okay?", Harry said as I began to run to the door to meet him and into his arms. The hug I gave him knocked him off his feet a little but as soon as I felt him wrap his arms instinctively around me, I began to cry.

"It's so stupid", I let out between tears, "I know it wasn't that scary or that big of a deal but it was so weird. The look in his eyes, Harry."

"Sh, it's gonna be okay", he said, I finally let go and unlocked the front door so that two of us could go inside. I didn't even know what to do or say at this point, I felt off. I felt like something was wrong after meeting that man. I sat down on my couch and just looked at all that I had, all that I could lose. The gross feeling in my bones after meeting this man and how worried I was couldn't go away.

"It's gonna be okay, everything is alright", Harry began to comfort me, running his hands up and down my back, " Your safe now, there is nothing to worry about."

GUYS I SAW HARRY ON TUESDAY WHEN HE WAS IN DENVER AND I JUST MISS HIM SO MUCH:((( I WAS IN PIT!!!! AND I GOT BARRICADE!!! I BROUGHT HIM FLOWERS AND LITERALLY TOOK THEM FROM ME IVE BEEN DEAD SINCE