letters to hazel

Styles Stockholm Syndrome 1

-Hazel-

Introduction

It was something that was so intimate to Harry and I. That is something no one will understand it was something we enjoyed and so many people questioned that. It was mind blowing to people that I was in love with Harry when I was with him. It was shocking to people that I didn't regret the decisions I made or that I loved Harry. People were disgusted by me for this. Some people really believed that Harry wanted me dead or hurt. People really thought that Harry was a bad person for what he did to me. I see where they are coming from with this but I don't agree. Harry was, and hopefully still is, a good man. He has a good heart, full of love and talent. He was a nice to me and always made sure I was comfortable and loved. He had so many beautiful qualities that made me love him but he made a stupid decision. He was selfish and self centered when he made the decision to kidnap me. He could be that way with a lot of other things to but I learned to forgive him. I learned more of who Harry really was from his stupid decision and I got closer to him.

I spent a lot of time with him and to this day, five years from when it all happened, I still believe I know him better than anyone else. I know him inside and out. I know the way he truly feels about things and the way he truly sees the world and himself. There may be other women in his life or things may have changed but I know those things he told me still must be the same. I believed in those moments where I was sixteen years old he was my soulmate. He fit me perfectly the same way I fit him. The people who see him as a criminal may not understand that but the people who see the two of us as normal humans who feel love, pain, and a million other things hopefully do. 

I go to the grocery store or to go to pick up my daughter and I still get recognized to this day. Weather it is someone who feels sorry for me or a girl who loved Harry Styles that grew to hate him because of what he did to me. I get asked millions of questions and not a day goes by where I don't get asked, " What was it like being held up by Harry Styles?" or "So don't you hate him now?" and people are shocked by the answers. I tell them the things that Harry did to me that I loved, the small and big. I tell them stories of nice things he would do for me. I would tell them that I loved that man who kidnapped me and I could never change that. People hated the answers I gave and quiet frankly, I hated answer the same questions about the same things over and over again. So, I decided to write this book.

I am writing this book so that people don't resent the man that I loved so dearly for the longest time. I am writing this book so that people can stop questioning the trial, the decisions I made, or the person that Harry is. I am writing this book so that my daughter doesn't have to get asked questions about who Harry is when she is older. I am writing this book because there is so much more than meets the eye. Harry and I are two people who so many people know because of that trial and I am tired of the way we are seen because of it.

 Only him and I will know what really happened during our time together. Only him and I will understand the feelings we had for each other during that time in our lives. Only him and I will have this kind of a love for each other. You can read this and view it all as you desire. If you want to believe what him and I had was real, you can and if you don't that is your choice too.

Chapter One- Sixteen year old Hazel

I was sixteen when I started talking to Harry and he was twenty three meaning we had an eight year age difference. But if you want to be exact it was seven years, eight months, and twenty days. It never seemed like anything to me. I never thought of it. I had loved Harry and One Direction since I was eleven years old because my older sister, Blu did. She went off to college and her investment in the One Direction fandom died down but mine never did. I was still fully invested and fully in love with the bad. Harry had always, since the minute I got introduced to the band been my favorite. 

It is important for me to establish who I was when this began, where I was in my life, and the basics of my life. As a reader you need to understand what my life was like and what I needed as a child. I was sixteen, spending time with my best friend, Violet almost every second of the day, and living in a house alone. Both of my parents were off working in other countries and my older sister was in college. I was expected to take care of myself and do everything on my own. I had no parental guidance, no punishments, and all the freedom in the world. 

You would think with all that freedom I would be a bad kid. You would think that I would be doing crazy things, partying, and pushing my limits but that was never the case. I had sleepovers on school nights, made myself pizzas most of the time, and left all the TV's in the house on so I didn't feel lonely. I never felt the need to do anything bad or rebel. I felt happy living this life and I liked feeling I was an adult. But I was sixteen and I was nowhere close to being an adult. I was a little girl and I desperately need stability and someone who was going to be there for me. That someone should have been my parents. They should have been the one comforting me, coddling me, and making me home cooked meals. I never had that in them, but as soon as I started talking to Harry I had all the comfort I needed and never got in him. I was sixteen and to feel so needed and so protected by this man felt so good.

Many people like to blame this all on my parents. If my parents were home I would've never gone to meet Harry or I would've never started talking to older men online but that is far from the truth. If my parents were home I still would get on Omegle because all teenagers get on Omegle. If my parents were home I still would have gone to another country to meet Harry because it was an amazing opportunity. If my parents were home maybe I wouldn't have been so naive or felt like I could only find comfort in an older man.

I was sixteen when I first started talking to Harry and it may seem like I liked him just because of the comfort he was able to give me and that isn't true. I loved Harry because he was Harry and because he loved me. No other person had shown me that kind of mature love before and being in such a pure stare of love felt good.  I loved Harry deeper than any sixteen year old even knows how to love someone. I may have been too young to be involved in something so mature and serious but he knows who I am. He wouldn't have approached me if I wasn't someone he could have all of that with.

My sixteen year old self is who this story is about and once you begin to understand who I was then, what I needed out of my life, and why I loved Harry so much you can understand our story. You can then respect the people Harry and I were and how we loved each other. 

Hello! Sorry I haven't written anything in a really long time and I have no excuse. I deleted every old chapter from this book because I decided to write a sequel and was really excited about it. So the first few chapters will be pieces from Hazel's book about her and Harry and then the real story will start. If you have any questions or just want to be friends feel free to message me or dm me on twitter ( jamesfrancohes)