letters to hazel

thirteen

-Harry's P.O.V-

I really didn't know what I would do if I was a father, if I had a child with Hazel. I wanted to think that I would be excited and happy and eager to be a father. I wanted to think that I would be diligent and this amazing father, that I could make a difference in her life after not being around for so long. It just wasn't realistic. I had a girlfriend and we were serious together, would be having a child jeopardize our relationship?

And I knew Hazel too well, I knew Hazel wasn't going to just let me into her daughters life. She wasn't going to put anything in her life that wasn't going to be constant, I don't know if I could be constant. Her daughter is her little best friend, her whole entire world, and if anyone hurt either of them it was game over .

"I don't know", I finally said, I was feeling a lot but I didn't know how to put it all into words.

"I don't know either, H", Piper was sitting next to me now and I knew she was trying to get more out of me. She wanted to know all of what I was feeling and I felt like I was more closed off to her now more than ever.

"I just don't want this to ruin anything and I think it will."

"You want her and her daughter and I know that", she said and I could hear the insecurity in her voice. She knew all of what I was thinking and how I was feeling. Before she seemed mad about it but the more time that passed, her and I both knew it was true.

"In a way, yes. I want it-", I was interrupted

"There is everything there that I can't give you."

"Don't. Don't be like that. It isn't like that. I have so much with you and just because she has a baby doesn't mean anything", Piper was upset and insecure in this situation and I completely understood why. I just felt bad that I had made her feel that way, like all I had cared about was having a family and babies.

"But it's true. I know there is so much more to us than a family and kids. You are trying to make me feel better", Piper got up off of the couch and began to gather some of her things and put them into her bag, " I appreciate it, Harry, I really do and I know you are being nice but it's true. You love kids, the idea of her baby being your excites you deep down."

"I'm sorry", I said and I was following her to the door, "I-"

"Stop apologizing", she interrupted before placing a kiss on my lips ,"I'm just gonna head out for a while and think."

-Hazel's P.O.V-

"How are you feeling, baby", I asked Jade as she was playing with dolls on the living room floor. She had napped for hours, it was evening time now. I knew she was going to be up a little later tonight, throwing her sleep schedule off but anything was worth it to make my baby feel better.

"Better."

"Better? Good, good", I said placing a small kiss onto her head and walking into the kitchen to make some food for the both of us, something light on her stomach.

I wanted to just live in this moment, moving on from all the intrusive thoughts in my head about all that was going on. I was in a short lived relationship with my best friend, who I was never going to talk to again and a newly budding friendship with Harry. The direction of my life just felt so different right now, mostly because of Harry.

In my heart, in my deepest dreams, I always wanted to have a relationship with Harry again. If it was a friendship, just being acquaintances, or actually dating. I thought my whole life without him was leading up to being with him again. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was dreaming of him, writing my book I was dreaming of him. All I wanted was to just be around him again because I knew that no one was going to be better to me than he was. Despite all that happened, I knew he was the person for me.

I tried to push all those dreams away because I had so much more of a life to live for. I had a daughter and all my own personal dreams that I wanted to accomplish. If I was too busy dreaming of all the things that could be, nothing I really wanted would come to be. As much as I wanted Harry my daydreams of him faded eventually and now they were all coming back. With his interest in Jade, I was nervous yet excited. The vision of Harry playing with my girl was active in my head. Harry singing songs to her, playing with her toys, and watching cartoons with her. Even if he wasn't her dad, him just being in her life.

Was it worth it to find out if he was hers? If I knew that Harry was or wasn't the father would that change anything. I didn't want to bring any men into her life that I didn't thing were good people or men that wouldn't stick around. If Harry was the dad, I wouldn't want to just spring something like that onto her, she was so young and if I didn't ease into it, it could really affect her.

In a way I wanted to be selfish about it, I wanted to know who her father was for my own sake. I was the one who was dumb enough to have unprotected sex and not keep track of it. I would be lying if this wasn't something that was interesting me. At the same time, it was close to 6 years since I had her and I had lived without knowing for this long I could live longer.

Hazel: Do you think we could meet up again and talk some time soon?

So, so sorrryyyy about not updating EVEER!!! I realized I have literally been writing this for like two years, that is such a long time and I wish I could just finish a story in a reasonable amount of time lmfao