letters to hazel

Love Letter #1

Hazel,
It's is my first time writing to you. Well at least the first time I plan on writing a full letter and finishing it. I have a lot of things to say and a lot I've been feeling, a lot of thoughts about you. In all honesty, I had no idea how put my thoughts into words. I am working on making the things I say more truthful by fully understanding them before I send them out into the world. Once you say something, there really is no taking it back, as much as you think you can explain yourself not everyone is going to get it.
It's been six months since I last saw you and for once I feel like the pain is really ending. I am finally starting to see the healing in all of this. I feel like I have been forced to grieve you as if you died and that is the hardest thing. I talk about you all the time with my therapist and all the coping skills and advice feels the same as they would give to someone that had lost a loved one. I think of you and miss you all the time and it drives me wild. To think about what you are doing and what we could be doing together, knowing I can't ask you about your day is breaking my heart.
That is all in the side of me that just wants to be in love with you. The pieces of me that only feels a love that wants to spend endless time with you is always the biggest piece of me that loves you. I think it's because I miss you so much that this comes in the strongest. I am selfish in this love. This love is unhealthy, the main thing I am trying to grow past and fix deep with in myself. To keep you from your loved ones, to keep you from all that is close to you is the piece of me that is fucked up. I CAN help that I act like this and really change it in myself. I told you that I wanted you to move on but the more I thought of you actually doing it, it drove me crazy.
The girl I loved so much that I kept away from all the she loved moving on and loving something else. A wild thought but for me to move on from the root of all that I had done, I had to accept it. It is the only way really. I have been really accepting all that I wrong you with and I believe a real lover doesn't do this. As someone who claims they love you so much, I could have waited years to be in love with you but I didn't. All this makes it seem like I don't love you still and I just do but I have to accept some realities. The reality truly is that you will fall in love with someone who loves you a million times more than me, in a healthy way that you deserve. He will look at you like the queen you are, a woman who deserves to be worshiped and respected, more than I ever did.
I feel so much guilt for the way I treated you. The way I claimed to love you. You were a 16 year old and if I had a 16 year old daughter, I would be furious. I would hate to have my 16 year old baby treated the way I treated you and I sympathize with your parents as much as I can. I have a love for you that could have waited, it was selfish of me NOT to wait ( I'd say this a million times if I could). I know that I could have waited 2 more years to have the most amazing relationship with you. One that didn't hold any of us back, one where you and I could live in the freedom we deserve. The trauma I may have caused that could affect you in future relationships is my biggest regret in this life. 
I love you will all that I am, Hazel. I hope you always know that and I hope that love I have for you carries you through every struggle that you face. I hope you think of the true genuine love that I have for you when you feel like there is nothing else to love and live for in this world. Feel comfort in the love that I feel for you and the fact that I am always thinking of you and sending you positive wishes. I truly believe in you and the love that we have, the connection that will forever bond us to each other. 
I truly believe if the love that we have is real, if the connection is as strong as I believe, we will come back to each other. If the love that we have is one that will carry on into our future lives, you and I will come back to each other like no time has passed. If we don't come back to each other, if the love we have isn't strong enough, we will fall in love in another lifetime. I truly believe in the circumstances were different in this very moment, we would be together in some way. I feel deeply connected to you and I'm confident that you and I will have that connection for many lives to come.
MY sweet little Haze, the blessing and love of us this life of mine, I love you. I miss you more than I can let you know. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. You look beautiful right now as you read this, you will forever be my one.
All the love,
Harry

Okay, It is literally 3 AM and this chapter was so much longer than I anticipated it to be. It was going to be a little filler that continues into the next chapter but I just got so attached and interested as I continued. I think I really like it and I am excited about where it is going to take this story. Please let me know what you think of this letter style chapter! I love writing normal chapters but I really like how this ties it into the first story and the depth/reference it gives.