letters to hazel

One

-Harry-

"Why did you write a book, Hazel", I said in a tone that came off really mad.

"Because I had a lot to say to you and the people who asked me questions at my daughters school and work and I was tired of it. This only was I could answer it all was in a book. Why are you so mad?"

"This was our story", I said putting my hand down on the book that still sat on the table," This was ours and now its everyone's. I really loved you and I thought you would feel the same but you clearly don't if you exploited it all in a book for your own gain."

She got out of the chair and picked up her daughter. She looked at me for a long time and I looked back waiting for an answer.

"Harry, I'm not going to argue with you in front of my child but if you ever want to talk through this once you realize what this book is really about feel free to call me. I gave you my number", she said and walked away. Before I could even react or give her a response she was gone.

I looked at her blonde hair and how her body had changed so much since this time but in so many ways she was exactly the same. I picked the book up off the table looking at the cover of us and the bold words. I thought of what the possible contents of this book could be or what could make me mad about it. I thought about if I was allowed to sue her for this if I wanted? I stood in the exact same spot for a while just thinking it all over before I walked out and back to my car.

I buckled myself in and just sat in the car. I wanted to drive away and be at home already but something made me stay here. I opened to a random page of the book and read about how she loved me. It brought a tear to my eye but I knew better than to be happy she wrote this. This was one page of the book and not all of it was going to be this nice, this lighthearted, and positive. How could she even write a whole book that was positive when I did such a horrible thing to her. I turned to the front page of the book that Hazel signed. 

Harry,
I completely understand how you can be resentful and angry towards me for writing this. I understand that you might have even bought this just to see me or because you are angry. I understand there are a million different ways you might be feeling about this but I know you and I know it won't be that way for long. I miss you and I hope that you will want to talk soon.
Yours truly, 
Hazel

I set the book down in the passenger seat and started driving. I drove straight to my house, no stops for food like I planned, or to pick up groceries like I promised. I rushed straight to my home. My only goal was to read this book. I needed to read it cover to cover and understand all of the contents.  I needed to understand it all and be able to see her again. I wanted to text her and ask to talk, I wanted to call her and here her voice, I wanted to meet her and tell her I was sorry for being so mad. I rushed to my house all because I felt the same kind of love ignited in her that I felt five years ago. I felt like if I could do anything to make myself feel that kind of love again I would be a happier man. 

"Hey, you were gone for quite a while?", Piper, my girlfriend of the past seven months said coming to the door. She gave me a quick peck on the lips before taking the copy of Hazel's book right from my hands. I wanted to take it away from her, I was oddly protective of the book but there was nothing I could do.

"Are you still mad at her for this?", she questioned.

"I'm not sure", I said and took the book from her," I think I need to read it first."

"Did she recognize you? Was she happy to see you? Was she mad?", Piper probed and I let out a sigh that she didn't notice. I loved Piper and I loved being in a relationship with her. She was just in love with me as I was her but she was more curious than I liked. I didn't want to get personal with her and she wanted to know every aspect of me. She was one of the only girls that really loved me after everything that happened with Hazel other than Willow.

"Of course she recognized me. She wasn't mad at all, she wasn't particularly happy to see me either. She was neutral. If anything I was the only one who came off mad."

"You have every right to be mad though from what I'm assuming" she said sitting next to me on my couch. I opened the book up and she sat next to me. I read her note again and Piper read it over my shoulder.

"Wow", she whispered.

"What?", I said almost defensively. I felt like I needed to protect the words that Hazel wrote just for me like they were personal even though they weren't. Piper could see them if she wanted to I had nothing to hide especially with Hazel. Now that this book was written our relationship was practically out in the open for the whole world to see.

"Nothing", she said and looking at me. I smiled and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled back at me before walking away leaving me alone to read the book that the young love of my life had once written.

It was something that was so intimate to Harry and I. That is something no one will understand it was something we enjoyed and so many people questioned that. It was mind blowing to people that I was in love with Harry when I was with him. It was shocking to people that I didn't regret the decisions I made or that I loved Harry. People were disgusted by me for this. Some people really believed that Harry wanted me dead or hurt. People really thought that Harry was a bad person for what he did to me. I see where they are coming from with this but I don't agree. Harry was, and hopefully still is, a good man. He has a good heart, full of love and talent. He was a nice to me and always made sure I was comfortable and loved. He had so many beautiful qualities that made me love him but he made a stupid decision. He was selfish and self centered when he made the decision to kidnap me. He could be that way with a lot of other things to but I learned to forgive him. I learned more of who Harry really was from his stupid decision and I got closer to him.

The Reason// Hoobstank
Heart Like Yours// Williamette Stone