Breaking Me Again.

Chapter 17 : Failed love

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This is the scariest part. This was so much of a healing. Obviously, hindi ko alam yung gagawin ko.

As I read Zed's text message while watching Prix in his sleep. This made my heart race without doing a single thing.

Gusto ko si Zed pero mahal ko pa din pala si Prix. I wasn't sure about everything. I was happy with someone who once looked like I were made of dazzling gold. And there's this another someone, just when I've given up in love, he came along and pulled me back.

Di maalis yung tingin ko doon sa screen ng cellphone. I wanted to text him back para di na siya umasang dadating ako pero sinasabi ng isipan ko na dapat ko siyang puntahan pero yung puso ko, pinipigilan ako. I was so afraid of having my heart damaged further.

Mahimbing pa ding natutulog si Prix. Tumingala ako para makita yung orasan.

Why are you doing this to me Prix Fidell Rivero?  Couldn't you somehow sense that I was feeling uneasy when you're here in front of me!

'1:30am' ang daming gumugulo sa isipan ko. Gusto kong kumaripas ng takbo para makawala sa sitwasyon ko ngayon pero Prix needed me the most.

Ang daming 'pero'

Isa lang naman kasi dinidikta ng puso ko.

Na sa lahat ng maling desisyong nagawa ko. Sana ito na yung tama.

Pinikit ko na ang aking mga mata.
Sana pag gising ko, wala akong pagsisihan.

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The sun was shining and a slight breeze blew across my face

Umaga na pala. I was still on the couch. Hindi ko halos maiangat ang katawan ko.

At hindi ko magawang maidilat ang dalawang mata sa kadahilanang, antok pa din ako.

I was about to go back to my sleep when someone pinched me on my cheek.

''Hindi ka pa din pala nagbabago'' I couldn't help but to feel happy inside. Ang boses na yun. Kahit hindi ko siya nakikita, kilalang kilala ko ito.

This is the life I really wanted. To be with him, again. Siguro dahil may mga bagay akong pilit na binabalik balikan at pinupunan nito ang pagkukulang sa pagkatao ko.

I faced him, I really have this visual memory. I missed this. After all, there may be a lot going on but still this is my choice.

Napangiti ako buhat nung sayang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Hindi ko kayang sukoan to'. Ang hirap. I want to take that as a sign whether to give both of us a chance or not.

''Cmon let's eat'' He pulled me and kissed me on my cheek.

Parang agad naging Elsa yung peg ko. Natameme at naging frozen.

Ganitong ganito kami dati. So much better than this. Hindi ko kailanman nalimutan iyon.

Ang mga ngiti niya sa mukha, ilang araw ko ding hiniling na sana manggaling yun lahat sa akin. At heto, nangyayari na.

Nakasunod lang ako sa kanya habang di pa din ako makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari. I was looking at his back while he was still holding my hands. Napaka heaven ng ganitong feeling.

Ayaw kong isipin ang ibang tao. Masaya naman pala talaga if natutupad mo yung sariling gusto mo sa buhay.

Napahinto siya at napatingin sa akin.
''Is there something wrong?'' napabalik ako sa realidad nung magsalita na naman si Prix. Nawawala na yata ako sa sarili.