more ↠ lrh

three

"Mom, these clothes don't fit me." I said, pulling at the short top.

"We can go get you some new ones if you'd like, sweetheart."

It had been two weeks since I was released from the hospital and things didn't feel normal. They assured me that I would start to feel better. I hadn't. I didn't feel at home.

I knew this was normal. This was my normal. I lived with my parents, I decorated my bedroom according to what I liked. I ate breakfast with them every morning, this was normal.

But it didn't feel normal to me. Everything about it felt strange, weird, unusual. I got uneasy feelings of not being at home. As much as I tried to tell myself this was home and this is where I belonged, I couldn't help but know I was wrong.

My mom placed a plate in front of me, breakfast on it. "Do you think that I could go to the apartment and get some clothes?"

My mom and dad both stopped what they were doing, turning to look at me. "Just to get some clothes, there's no need to spend money when I have them there."

"Honey, I don't think that's a good idea."

"I obviously know Luke," I said to them. "I know that I know him. I don't care how much you try to convince me that I don't. I do. There's a picture in my wallet of him and I, there are probably even more in my phone-"

"He is nobody!" my father suddenly yelled. "Luke came into your life and turned you into someone you're not!"

"I just want some clothes." I said underneath my breath as the two whispered to each other.

"Fine, but not without us."

***

My mom knocked on the door as I stood behind them, fidgeting with my fingers.

The door opened and Luke stood on the other side, his eyes red and puffy, offsetting the bright blue in his eyes. He was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, his hair a mess. He was a mess.

His eyes lit up at the sight me, causing me to look away. "Arabella, hey."

I noticed an accent I hadn't before, barely there. He wasn't from this country, London, maybe? Australia?

"We're here to get some clothes for her, can we come in?"

"Of course, yeah," he said, stepping aside. "It's kind of a mess right now, I hadn't time to clean up."

I stepped inside the apartment, instant comfort running over me, my shoulder slouching. I looked around, Chinese food boxes covering the table, blankets and pillows strewn everywhere. Dishes had piled up in the sink, the stereo playing music in the corner. 

I blinked as a mix of emotions shot through my veins, unrecognizable images shooting through my head. 

I looked over, Luke's eyes meeting mine. It didn't look familiar, it felt familiar. "Where's my room?"

"Our room is the last one on the right, I'll take you." He said, spinning around and moving towards the hallway.

I followed him, hardly able to keep up with his long legs. We both moved inside, the bed unmade, blankets again strewn everywhere. "Can't sleep?"

"Not without you," he muttered before looking over at me. "The bed's too big for just me."

He stepped backwards, sitting on the bed, running a hand through his hair. "Your drawers on the ones on the left."

I looked over at the dresser, seeing the right side drawers open and clothes hallway pulled out, the left side organized and neat. I let out a chuckle at the sight. "I can tell who was more organized."

Luke smiled softly, looking down at his hands. "Yeah, you always got on me about that."

I pulled clothes from the drawer and put them into a bag Luke gave me. I looked over the pictures on the dresser, sadness spreading through me. "Were we happy?"

He nodded. "I think so."

He grabbed something from the closet, handing it to me. "Here. This one was your favorite."

A hoodie. I just nodded and shoved it in the bag. "Thanks. Anything else you think I need?"

He moved back to the closet, grabbing a pair of white slip on Vans. "There are also your favorite. Their dirty and worn, but you wore them almost every day."

I pulled the uncomfortable and tight shoes from my feet before moving to put the shoe on. I hopped around on one foot, tripping over the shoe on the ground.

Luke instantly wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me up. I let out a soft laugh, gripping his shoulders to hold myself up. "How did you do that?"

He pulled his hands away, clearing his throat. "You trip a lot. Over everything. It's kind of second nature to catch you."

I just smiled sadly and pulled on the other shoe. "I'm sorry I don't remember you, Luke."

He just nodded, tears starting to fall from his eyes. "It's alright, Bell, I'm not mad, I'm just glad you're alright."

"I really wish I could." I said, placing a hesitant hand on his shoulder. 

He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes and sighing.

I threw the bag over my shoulder and went back out to my parents, who stood awkwardly int he living room. "All set? You're not coming back for a while."

"Arabella is welcome anytime she wants." Luke interjected, his voice harsh.

My dad glared at him before moving towards the door. Luke grabbed my hand and I instantly pulled away at the unfamiliar contact.

Luke shoved his hand in his pocket, upset at my reaction. "Can I-uh-can I hug you?"

"No, absolutely not."

"Dad, it's okay," I said, handing him my bag. "Yes, you can."

I stood on my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck, hugging him. He moved his arms around my torso, pulling me tightly against my chest, his face going into my neck. My hand subconsciously moved to his neck, the tip of my fingers moving in his hair. 

His breath hitched at the contact, short sobs falling from his lips, his hot breath fanning across my neck.

I just closed my eyes and focused on the way his body felt against mine. How it felt so familiar, so right. There were memories that were nearly itching for me to remember, yet I couldn't.

It felt like home.