more ↠ lrh

thirty-three

When I returned home from class, I expected Luke to be standing on the other side of the door with an apology on his lips, like me, but I was greeted with something much worse.

To an empty home.

When I walked into my apartment, I was already calling his name and apologizing. Telling him that I was sorry for blowing up like that and that I was a psycho bitch, all the things he thought about me.

But instead, I was met with a note.

Bell,

Figured you'd want time to cool off, me too, that's alright. I love you so much, Arabella, but you're right, love shouldn't hurt this much.

Call me if you want, I'll come over. I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm at Michaels, by the way.

I sighed, trying to decide whether to go to Michael's and talk to him or go to bed and see him tomorrow when he leaves.

I ended up at Ashtons, who was throwing a party. I spotted Calum talking to some girls, a drink in his hand. Once he laid eyes on me, his smile fell, his eyes rolling.

I returned the eye roll, finding Ashton. "Can you get me a drink?"

"Babe, you know where the kitchen is."

I chuckled at his comment before pushing through the people and to his kitchen, pouring a drink. I didn't intend on getting drunk, especially with Calum's eyes watching me the entire night.

We were sitting in the living room, Ashton sitting next to me while he talked to some girl, Calum sitting on the other couch across from us, his eyes still on me.

"Can I fucking help you?" I asked him, leaning forward to meet his eyes.

"I'm not the one that needs help." He retorted, rolling his eyes.

"And I am?" I scoffed. "What is your deal, Calum? What have I done to you?"

"Absolutely nothing, Arabella." He said, getting up from the couch and moving to the kitchen. 

I quickly followed him, determined to get some answers to his unnecessary hostility. His back was turned to me as he poured himself another drink.

"What's your problem, honestly this time, Calum?"

"Nothing." He repeated, not turning to look at me.

"There's obviously something wrong, I've noticed it since..well, forever," I said to him. "You're always staring at me with that look in your eyes, like-like you hate me or something. Just-tell me what I did to you."

He spun around to face me, leaning on the counter to meet my eyes. "You chose him."

"What?"

"Oh, right, you don't remember."

"Why does everyone keep throwing that around like it's my fault?" I scoffed at him. "What do you mean by 'you chose him?'"

"We were friends before you met Luke."

"Really?" I asked, genuinely shocked. "Why hasn't it been mentioned?"

"I was practically in love with you," he chuckled as my mouth fell open in shock. "But then you met Luke and he does what Luke does, be hot and good with girls."

"I'm not following here."

"Luke's my best mate, don't take me wrong here, but all you have done is hurt him and all he's done is hurt you," he said to me. "I just don't understand why you two stay together."

"It's more complicated that you think."

"Is it?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

He moved over to stand next to me, his shoulder touching mine. "You still don't have to be mean to me."

"I mean, if you had a friend that you loved but they constantly hurt you, what would you do about it?"

"That's not fair."

"You would cut them out of your life."

"But I love Luke."

"And I love chocolate but it makes me fat, I can't have it all the time."

"That's a horrible analogy."

He laughed, throwing his head back.

I moved closer to him, looking up to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry that we have a history and that I can't remember it, but you're friends with my friends, you're Luke's best mate. Can't we try and be friends again?"

He hesitantly nodded, smiling softly at me. "Yeah."

I wrapped my arms around his torso, pressing my ear against his chest, his heart pounding against my ear as his arms wound around my shoulders. 

"I used to work in Mugs," he said as I pulled back to look at him. "That's how we met, why Luke went there."

"We're kind of broken up right now," I sighed, moving to get my drink. "He returned the engagement ring."

"I know," Calum sighed. "He doesn't see it useful."

"Yeah, and I feel like that's fucked up," I sighed, taking a sip of my drink. "Like he feels like our future is nonexistent."

"I mean, he returned a ring he was going to propose to the old you with, you're a new you."

"Okay, hold the fuck up, what?" 

"You're different than you were before, everyone knows that," he said to me. "You don't smile like you used to, you're more subdued that you were before, you're like.."

"Broken."

"No, you're not broken, Bella, don't say that."

"I am," I chuckled. "I got into an accident that took my memory and I'm chasing after a boy who I can't even remember."

"You don't need to remember to love him."

"Maybe I do," I said. "I'm not good enough for him since it's not the whole me."

"Bella, shut up, that's not the case at all, Luke thinks he's not good enough for you."

I sighed, taking my head into my hands and sighing. "Should I let him go or keep fighting?"

"I think you have to ask that question then maybe it's time to let go."

"How do you look at the boy you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away?"

Calum wrapped an arm around my shoulder and rubbed it gently. "I don't think anyone knows the answer to that."

I just wiped the tear from my face and sighed. "I have to talk to Luke."