more ↠ lrh

seventeen

I woke up the next morning, face down on the pillow, soft snores filling the room. I shivered from the cold air, pulling the cover over my body.

I groaned as the cold air nipped my bare skin, pulling at the cold sheets.

Luke's arms wrapped around my waist, his warm body pressing against mine. "What's wrong, baby?"

"Someone stole the blankets last night," I groaned, snuffling into his warm chest. "Like usual, we should get different blankets."

"'Like usual?' You remember that?" He asked, his voice rough with sleep.

I nodded, closing my eyes and wrapping my arms around his waist, my chest pressing against his. 

Luke shivered, rubbing my back to create some friction. "Holy shit, Bell, you're freezing."

"Because you stole all the covers, you twat." I groaned, digging my face into his neck.

He just chuckled, sighing heavily before wrapping his arms tighter around me, leaving no space between us. 

Every time his fingers danced across my skin, drawing circles in my skin, it felt so familiar. Every moment with him felt like a constant state of déjà vu. Every laugh, every smile, every touch, it was so familiar. Like on the tip of my tongue, like a memory that just a bit too deep to reach but it was there.

Luke snuggled into my neck, pressing lazy kisses to my neck. I shivered against his lips, butterflies breaking out in my stomach as I let out a giggle.

Luke pulled back and looked at me. "What was that?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"You shivered," he smiled, his hand running up my waist. "Do I still make you giddy?"

"Such a manly usage of that word, Lucas," I chuckled, brushing my fingers through his hand before dropping them to his face. "Of course you still make me giddy, look at you.."

"What about me?" 

"I don't know," I shrugged, meeting his blue eyes. "You still give me butterflies."

"We've been together for four years," he smiled before a sudden frown took over his features. "Three and a half."

"Why'd you run from me?" I asked, leaning my head on the pillow to look at him.

He shrugged this time, his blue eyes flickering away from mine. "I don't know."

"Luke, talk to me, please," I begged softly. "I want to understand."

"I'm not good with words, Bell, you know that-you knew that," he said quietly. "I can't-I don't know-I don't know how to explain it."

"Baby, you don't have to sugarcoat it to me," I said to him. "What's making you run in the other direction?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "I just-I feel like you have so much to learn about yourself, whether you still want to do law, whether you want to write, where you want to live, what you want to do, there's no constants in your life-"

"You're my constant, Luke," I said, sitting up and facing him. "No matter how fast things manage to move past me, you're there and keeping me on my feet."

"Since you woke up in that bed, I'm all you know," he said, pulling the covers around him as he stood up. "There's other things out there that aren't just me."

"I don't care about the other things out there, Luke, I care about you."

"Arabella, you know I care about you," he sighed, running an anxious hand through his hair. "I just- maybe I shouldn't be there to influence what you want to do with your life."

"What? Now, you're talking bullshit-"

"When you starting looking for work, what did you ask me?" He said, stepping forward. 

"I asked what I did before the accident."

"And what did you do the first night you stayed here?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "I asked what my routine was."

"Exactly," Luke chuckled. "I was there to tell you your routine instead of you creating your own. "You're trying to do everything you did before the accident and I'm influencing it."

"So?" I asked him. "I want to get back to normal."

"You don't even know what normal is!" he snapped. "You only know what I'm telling you, you need to be figuring out things yourself."

"So, what?" I asked, setting my hands on my hips.

"So, I think we should maybe take some time apart so you can start to understand yourself."

"You're breaking up with me?" I scoffed. "After last night?"

"Last night shouldn't have happened, as much as I wanted it to, and I did, Bell," he sighed, running another hand through his hair as he got dressed. "We were both drinking-"

"When I finally thought that we could get to something normal, you hit me with this b-"

"You don't even know what our normal is, Arabella!" he said to me. "You're literally feeding off of me because I'm the only one willing to give you a piece of your life back."

"I'm totally not understanding this, Luke, I thought you wanted to be together."

"I do, baby, I want nothing more to be with you," he said, kneeling down in front of me. "But you're not you."

"I was plenty of me last night, wasn't I?" I said, moving from in front of him and getting dressed.

I pulled on my shoes, ignoring the tears that blurred my eyes as I grabbed my bag and turned around to look at the blonde boy leaning on the doorframe. "What now?"

He stepped forward, wrapping his long arms around my small figure, pressing a long and hard kiss to my lips. "So, this is goodbye. For now."

"You know, it's kind of fucked up," I chuckled softly, tears threatening to spill. "You only want me with the full memory."

"Baby, no, I want you every day all the time for the rest of my days on earth," he smiled sadly, touching my shoulders softly. "But this, this is the right thing to do, trust me."

"How is losing the one person who make me feel whole the right thing to do?"

"You gotta learn to be whole on your own, babygirl."

I shook my head. "No, that's what soulmates are for."

He smiled again, pressing another kiss to my lips. "You don't have to leave yet, we can eat breakfast together."

"No," I shook my head, pulling a tight smile. "That's alright. Thank you, though."

He nodded, opening the door and pulling a smile even though I could see the tears in his eyes. "I'll catch you later, Bell."

I nodded, repeating him, "I'll catch you later, Lucas."