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forty-five

"What's going on?" Luke asked, standing behind me as I took small steps towards Harry.

"Last one dated to a week ago," Harry scoffed. "From you. Luke, get out, now."

"I'm not going anywhere until I know she's safe."

"Get out," Harry growled. "Before I make you."

Luke stepped forward, balling his fists up at his side. I immediately stepped between the two, my eyes locking onto Harry's green ones.

"H, they were just a way for me to organize my thoughts, to help me get over him, alright?"

"Dated a week ago, Arabella!" he yelled at me, grabbing the paper from the box. "'I just miss you so much, I miss your touch, I miss your lips, I miss your hair, your lipri-"

"Harry!" I stepped forward, snatching the paper from his hand. "Stop."

"You tell me you love me but you're still in love with him," he scoffed at me. "Whether you say it or now, you've written seven letters last week, that's one a day, Arabella!"

"Alright, you're good at math, Harry, I told you about Luke, I told you everything-how I felt, how I wasn't ready for a relationship," I said, moving my head to catch his eye. "You said that was okay, you said you understood."

"That was months ago, we're in a real relationship now and all you can think about is your ex?"

"That's not fucking fair."

"Is that what you do when you leave the bed at night?" Harry said quietly. "You sit in the bathroom and read letters he's written you?"

I looked down at my fingers, not looking at him. "H..."

"That's practically cheating," he rolled his eyes. "Don't act like this is all news to you, you think I don't hear you call me his name in your sleep? The first time we had sex you practically screamed it."

"Harry, that's enough." Luke said, stepping forward.

"Don't act like you don't like this either," Harry said, rolling his eyes. "You like me sitting here telling her all the ways she loves you and not me. A fucking asshole you are for that, Luke."

"You're scaring her," Luke said, setting a hand on my shoulder. "You're upsetting her."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Harry said sarcastically. "I'm not allowed to be mad because my girlfriend is writing you letters at night after we make love? After she tells me she loves me? That I'm a literal fucking replacement for you?"

"You need to calm down." Luke said, pushing me behind him.

"Or what?"

"Leave." I said, causing both of them to stop and look at me.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Leave." I repeated.

Luke set a hand on my shoulder, rubbing it gently. I pulled away, swiping a tear from my face. "Both of you."

"Bell-"

"Now!" I yelled, stepping back and crossing my arms. 

Harry scoffed, leaving the apartment as quickly as possible while Luke hesitated, shutting the door quietly behind him.

I slumped down onto the couch as I let out a loud sob. I just wanted to be happy, why did it have to be this complicated?

I think I loved Harry. He's so sweet to me, he always make me smile and laugh. Sometimes, I forget about Luke when I'm with him. 

I know I loved Luke. I wasn't sure if I was in love with him, I knew that I still loved him and I will always love him. 

After a while of thinking too had, I managed to get a migraine and a need for a drink. I grabbed my purse and moved out of my apartment, locking the door. I turned around just as Luke was lifting himself from the ground.

I stopped in my tracks, meeting his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, shoving the other in his pocket. "I never left. I didn't want to leave but I know you wanted me to."

I sighed, biting my lip to stop from smiling. "Well, you want a drink?"

He smiled at me, biting his lip ring. "Sure."

I returned the smile, bumping my shoulder against his as we walked down to my car.